[Archive c 17.03.2008] Humour [Archive to 28.04.2012] - page 724
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- Wass! Our cat pooped in our slippers!!!
- What?! You filthy bastard! I'll fucking kill you!
- Not in yours! It's my mother's.
- Give him some sour cream.
***
Woman to man:
- Darling, we've been going out a long time. I think we're getting serious. Isn't it time you introduced me to your folks?
Man, scratching the back of his head:
- I don't know... Wife and mother-in-law at the spa, kids at camp.
***
And we present to you the latest mosquito repellent, Raptor plates.
You take one plate, put it under your tongue, and that's it:
The mosquitoes disappear: Dinosaurs, butterflies, bears and gypsies appear...
***
1) According to the manager:
-The computer won't turn on -I call the administrator. Admin comes, raises his hands to the sky, mumbles to himself an incomprehensible word, turns my chair 10 times around its axis, kicks the computer - it starts to work. Again, he raises his hands to the sky, mutters something, leaves.
2) From the words of the sysadmin.
-I come to user - that fool was so rotating on the chair that the power cord got caught on the leg and went out of the computer. I swear to myself, I unscrew it, I shove the computer with my foot under the table, switch it on and walk away.
***
The bloke, having dug up the garden by hand at the cottage, puffs himself up, soapy, and plops down on the sofa next to his wife:
- That's it, darling, end of work! Now I'm going to rest! And tomorrow too, by the way. Listen to the schedule: In the morning my neighbour and I go fishing... until lunchtime. In the afternoon we sleep in a hammock... And in the evening: you have a headache, you don't have a headache, you have those days, you have the wrong days, as you like, but the beer in the fridge STOP!!!!
***
-So, what are you selling here?
-Services of all kinds. Rifles with scopes, shooting licenses, hit men on the premises.
-I see. You don't have a cash register. You're cheating, aren't you? How long have the auditors been here?
-Three weeks, may they rest in peace!
- Wass! Our cat pooped in our slippers!!!
- What?! You filthy bastard! I'll fucking kill you!
- Not in yours! It's my mother's.
- Oh, give him some sour cream.
A medical student is taking an anatomy exam.
The question comes up "facial musculature".
The student doesn't know a thing, he babbles something... The professor listened and listened, got bored, asked the question:
- "Tell me, is the gluteus medius muscle chewy or mimic?"
The student has nothing to lose and tries it at random:
- Mimic!
Prof:
- When you get a smile on your face, come back for a retake...
***
A check on the cold and hot water meters revealed that the tenants
not only don't use hot water, but they're pumping it back into the
the water supply.
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