Crisis: Don't we care? - page 27
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soon dollars will be handed out for free - (First one to accept it, no question of criminal record!
Crisis: Don't we care? - Not at all, on the contrary, it's good for me!!!
>> Thank you!
I don't think it will be so soon ))))
Soon all the banks in Russia will merge into one bank - a unified bank - OBJOBANK, or a national unified bank - NAEBANK.
Burn
Here's more - Kalashnikov. Once again: there have been many such predictions, none have come true, but the situation is very different now...
1. John Smith, who jumped out of a 75th-floor window on Wall Street, jumped 10 meters after hitting the ground, making a bit of a comeback from his morning fall...
2. Bought stock - sold stock, car, flat, cottage...
3. Trader: "It's worse than a goddamn divorce! I have already lost half of my fortune, and my wife is still left".
4. The market has bottomed out and started digging in.
5. How is an investment banker different from a big pizza?
- A big pizza can still feed a family of four in the evening.
6. Investment strategy from leading international analysts: "If you had bought $1,000 worth of Delta Airlines shares a year ago, your stake would now be worth $194, with Fannie Mae you would have $2.50 left and AIG less than $15. But if you had then bought $1000 worth of beer, drank it and turned in the aluminium cans, you would have $214 in cash. Based on the above, the best investment recommendation now is: drink hard and turn in your cans..."
7. About our stock market:
A businessman comes to a Mexican village: "I buy local monkeys for 10 pesos a piece. There are plenty of monkeys around, everyone is selling primates retail and wholesale for 10 pesos.
There were fewer monkeys, then the businessman said he would raise the price to 20 pesos. The villagers got tense, caught the last ones, brought them in, handed them over at 20. They took the last ones for 25, and then he announced that he wanted another 50! But he left himself and left the manager in charge.
The manager says: "How about this: I give you these monkeys back quietly for 35, and when the boss arrives, you give them to him for 50..." People are happy to get a freebie - they borrowed a lot of money and bought all the monkeys back for 35.
The next day, the manager disappeared after the boss, and the people were left without money, but with monkeys.
8. Well, it has just been reported that repo transactions have resumed on the interbank market. A kilo of repo is exchanged for 2 kilos of BREKVO or a kilo and a half of CARTO from the previous year's harvest.
9. One investment banker said he would now concentrate only on large issues. Yesterday he sold me one on the street. Newspaper one.
10. Stock market review 2009:
"The phrase 'financial and stock market crash' has been decided to be replaced by a neutral acronym in media publications. The new name will be chosen by popular vote. For now, the internet project "Name of the Crisis" has "Pitiful Near-Market Collapse of Assets" in the lead. The FSFM is also involved in regulating panic. The service now recommends that stock price declines on the stock exchange be referred to as 'fair-price forcing'" (see full review).
11. Stock Market Review 2010:
"Meanwhile, three thousand financial analysts and investment bankers have already graduated from retraining courses. They have acquired socially useful professions as convenience store clerks, potato over-machine operators and massage therapists. But some scoundrels have managed to escape to Iceland with fake passports. On the bright side, after another plunge in the stock market, Oleg Deripaska has lost his mind and is now entertaining the public at Manezh by singing foul-mouthed ditties... Those who attended his show note his lush, sincere voice and energy. Against the background of a general lull, Sberbank's papers suddenly went up sharply at the beginning of the third quarter. As it turns out, they spin very well and smoke funny even without tobacco" (see full review).
About banks and bankers
1. Customer at the bank:
- You know, I would like to put money in your bank, who do I go to?
- A psychiatrist!
2. A client comes to the bank to withdraw some money.
The teller:
- There is no money.
The client:
- I really need it.
Cashier:
- Why?
Client:
- To pay the rent.
Cashier:
- Pay by money order.
Client:
- I want something to eat, give me some money, I'll go to a restaurant.
Cashier:
- You have a card. Pay with your VISA, but we can't give you any money.
Customer (tearing up):
- Give me my money! I might want to get a prostitute!
Cashier (pointing to the teller):
- Please choose!
3. He worked in a bank on Taganka,
He had a safe and a hole punch,
And a portrait of his wife in a photo frame
Adorned his desk.
He was honest by Russian standards,
He had no money and no enemies...
That's how Mitya M*dakov went through life as an inconspicuous clerk
But one fine day,
As if in a dream or in a delirium
In the lift with the Chairman of the Board
He bumped into his misfortune.
And contemplating, evidently, about eternal things,
Looking at Mitya like a father,
The latter said, putting his arm around his shoulders:
- "You know, Mitya, we're fucked.
As he said goodbye, smiling crookedly,
Looking beyond the line of good and evil,
He was gone, and with him went the assets
And Mitya's salary was gone...
4. Went to the ATM today to get some money, but he asked me for a twenty till Sunday.
5. Today I tried to get money from the ATM, but he told me "not enough money". I still don't understand, was he referring to himself or me?
About the government
1. Vladimir Putin has changed "state aid" to "godspeed" as the decline continues.
2. Finance Minister Alexei Kudrin has criticised journalists and bloggers for twisting and unravelling his quotes. The minister's full sentence on the crisis is: "The ordinary people of Iceland have nothing to worry about. Iceland remains an island of stability."
3. There is a traffic jam on a London street. Noticing a policeman, one of the drivers asks him:
- What happened?
- Because of the problems in the economy, the prime minister is depressed, has stopped his car in the middle of the street and is now threatening to pour petrol on himself and set himself on fire. He is frustrated that no one believes he can save us from the crisis. To console the head of government, we have started a donation drive.
- How much have you collected so far?
- About 40 gallons so far, but many people are still pouring petrol.
4. Rumours of replacing the death penalty with mortgages at 25% interest have turned out to be a duck. The Ministry of Economics has said that the innovation has so far only been adopted in the Nizhny Novgorod region, and only as an experiment.
5. Since American medicine has failed to cope with the obesity of the nation, the American economy has come to the rescue.
About the crisis in general
1. Physicists miscalculated something: a collider was built in Switzerland and a black hole was formed on Wall Street.
2. Hokka.
Crumpled dollars floating in a puddle outside the Sberbank.
Autumn in Russia.
3. Show business has adapted quickly to the crisis: Galkin has invited Abramovich, Potanin, Deripaska and Prokhorov to take part in the supergame "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?"
4. The credit crisis is getting worse, isn't it? Here I am thinking: lent my brother a tenner a couple of weeks ago and now it turns out I'm Britain's fourth biggest creditor.
5. The origins of the 2008 financial crisis: blame the ancient Roman emperor Hadrian.
About the job
1. Ranking of popular professions of the future - TV watcher, teabagger, corker and others.
2. Anti-crisis programme for the unemployed: what marketers should do
I decided to reread the article about the Americans' forecasts. The article is old, a year old, but how much faster things are going: oil has already gone down to nearly 150 and fallen to nearly 60 - in less than a year, and some of the most powerful financial structures in the States have collapsed.
P.S. And in Russia the stock market has fallen by more than 70% since May.
At least someone owes us.
US owes Russia $74.4 billion - expert
08.11, 21:42 RIA Novosti
WASHINGTON, November 8 - RIA Novosti, Arkady Orlov. The United States currently owes Russia $74.4 billion, a debt that has risen sevenfold over the past seven years, James Ludes, executive director of the Washington-based National Security Project, told Saturday's edition of Parade magazine.
"In 2001, we owed Russia less than $10 billion. Now it's $74.4 billion," Ludes is quoted as saying in the Washington Post supplement.
The main form of US debt is US Treasury Department securities, which are bought by foreign governments and on which the US must also pay interest.
The US government now owes foreign governments $2.6 trillion - about 20 per cent of the country's GDP - and the US will have to devote a significant portion of its "national wealth" to paying off these debts in coming years, US experts warn.
In a study by the National Security Project, Ludes warns that with the US economy in financial crisis, such debt to foreign governments creates a "potential strategic vulnerability" for the US.
"By buying our debt, these (foreign) governments are investing in America, but they are also gaining leverage that we might not want them to have," Ludes said.
National Security Project board members include President-elect Barack Obama's national security adviser Susan Rice, six U.S. generals, including retired Lt. Gen. Claudia Kennedy, former deputy chief of staff of the U.S. Army Intelligence Command, former commander of the U.S. Central Command, retired General Antini Zinia and other military commanders, as well as Democratic Senator John Kerry, Republican Senator Charles Hagel, former First Deputy Secretary of State Richard Armitage and others.