Humour - page 155
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- Look at my funny typo - I mixed up the "in" and the "r" in the word frying pan. It's "water soon."
- I wish you'd misspelled "frying pan" like that!
* * *
- Shall we have some tea?
- I agree! Except you made a few mistakes in "vodka".
Two grannies at the doorstep discussing passers-by:
- Look, Man, there's a guy walking and talking to himself.
Do you think it's cannabis or Bluetooth?
---
- What are you doing up?
- I'm surfing the net.
- Cool, I'm visiting.
- With who?
- You!
- Shit, I'm sorry, I forgot.
---
- Have you ever had scotch?
- Have you ever smoked scotch?
Pinocchio lay motionless,
"His arms were outstretched to his sides,
And, as the song goes, there were woodpeckers
And, as the song says, the woodpeckers were hovering over him like black crows!
---
I love her holy relics.
Every year, when May comes,
The mummy of my imperishable mother-in-law
"There are women in Russian villages.
---
"There are women in Russian villages".
But in spite of false rumors,
I want to tell you without a doubt
What men are out there.
He'll chop down a hut with an axe,
and use it to sew up an old woman.
He'll drown a dog in a pond,
And take the nuts off the tracks.
---
Everywhere you go, here and there,
There's a peacemaker waiting in ambush
♪ You're stretching your arms to the sky for nothing ♪
♪ The dove of peace won't shit by ♪
---
I've had four parachutes
My parachute didn't open
And now I can't jump out of a plane
I'm no longer allowed to jump.
---
My character's a swan's character,
And the swallows in my soul chirp,
But beyond that, there's a depth,
Where the pterodactyls sit silent...
♪ If I have to go to the bathroom at night ♪
♪ I light up the phone, shaking like a bunny ♪
♪ And even though I'm not three, I'm thirty ♪
♪ And yet there's a baboon in the hallway ♪
---
No, polite people aren't lost,
Still on the road of life.
Yesterday I was so kindly sent away,
That it was inconvenient not to go!
---
It's a holiday that can't be rushed.
New Year's Eve should be celebrated for a long time,
To combine smoothly afterwards
♪ May Day and Christmas tree tossing day ♪
---
♪ In springtime, two rooks flew over our meadow ♪
Two rooks flew over our meadow.
And to the personal credit of Dimitrinatolich...
of Dimitrinatolich...
---
Yesterday I gave my wife
I gave her a light switch yesterday.
She's going to flick it at her leisure,
Left off, right on.
The soup is very simple to make:
First you have to take:
Meat, (but bones will do),
and five potatoes,
Salt and pepper, two carrots,
And one carrot.
A medium onion,
And then... call my wife.
---
I walk through the field with my horse,
Stepping in manure heaps.
For my horse doesn't follow me,
# He strides forward, he's mighty... #
---
I can't think of a rhyme,
It's such a nonsense, my friends.
The poem's coming out just fine.
A masterpiece... that's not always!
The soup is very simple to make:
First you have to take:
Meat, (but bones will do), ...!
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