[Archive c 17.03.2008] Humour [Archive to 28.04.2012] - page 716

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There is a prayer going on in the mosque. Suddenly a huge, big man walks in.
Up to his elbows in blood and with a knife in his hand... Shouts:
- Are there any Muslims here???
- Everybody's scared, they don't say anything... .
- There are Muslims... Come over here.
One of the bravest comes up.
- I'm like a Muslim
Big man to him:
- Listen. Man, help me out... It's my birthday... I have to slaughter a ram... I'm hung-over and my hands are shaking.
I just stabbed a ram... I got blood all over the barn... I got blood all over my hands... And he's still running...
My wife told me: "Go to the mosque. Muslims pray there. They'll slaughter sheep in no time."
- You scared the shit out of me, man. Come on, let me help you... We went to the barn. The ram is huge. All bloody.
Running around the barn... They catch the ram together... . They still can't catch it...
It's running, squealing... ...splashing blood like before...
The Muslim says:
- Man! We need one more... We're gonna jam him on three sides and catch him... Go get help...
The man goes back to the mosque... . Bloody as ever. Goes inside...
Everybody's in a fucking tizzy... . The Muslim's not with him... And there's so much blood on the man...
- Are there any more Muslims? Come here...
Silent scene. No one speaks... .
- Come on!!! I only need one. That's all I need... .
An old man in a turban and a dressing gown with a beard down to his belly says...
- "Hey, God, you took the last one... . Here's the true Christ...
 
Vinin:

Nice! And here's another one like this:

***
At a disco in Germany, a Russian wearing a T-shirt that says: "Turks have three problems". A Turk walks up to him and asks:
- What are you doing? Are you looking for trouble? Do you want to get in trouble?
- That's your first problem. Aggressiveness. You're always trying to make trouble out of nothing.
When the disco's over, a group of Turks are already after the Russian.
- Now you will answer for your words, they say.
- This is your second problem. You can't solve your problems on your own and immediately gather your own on any occasion.
- How dare you speak to us like that!? - the Turks are pulling knives...
- This is your third problem," continues the Russian. - You always come with knives to a gunfight .

 
moskitman:

...


- This is your third problem," continues the Russian. - You always come with knives to a gunfight .

... and you're like this with a PPD - tra-ta-ta-ta!
 
Medvedev suggested Putin's candidacy for Medvedev's post
 

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"Peacocks, you say?"(c)

 

Consult a moderator before using.

 

This will happen to anyone who...!

 
In 2008, consumer prices rose by 6.5 novemdecillion per cent (novemdecillion = 1,060). There are no official statistics in Zimbabwe, but experts claim that prices in the country double every 24.7 hours. Under pressure from Western propaganda, Gono was interviewed by Newsweek. "Traditional economists have condemned me - they say printing money causes inflation. I had to print money because of dire need to keep my people alive. I had to do extraordinary things that are not written about in textbooks. Now the IMF has asked the US - please print money. And now I see the whole world is doing the things they forbade me to do." Asked whether the stock market, which Gono closed down in November, would reopen, the Zimbabwean central bank governor said, "Brokers were making money out of thin air. I printed $1.5 quadrillion and the turnover on the stock exchange was 100 sextillion (eight orders of magnitude more). Then I asked: "Who is doing my job here?" Until there is more discipline and honour, the stock exchange will be closed. I don't care. I don't know when it will open. It's a free market, in it everyone is destined to do one of two things - succeed or go bust." "2009 is going to be a good year. Every morning I am fresh and cheerful, because it can't get any worse. Anyone who has studied the history of different economies knows that we are at the bottom now, and the only thing that can happen is that we will start to rise again."

https://ru.wikipedia.org/wiki/%D0%97%D 0%B8%D0%BC%D0%B1%D0%B0%D0%B1%D0%B2%D0%B5# .D0.AD.D0.BA.D0.BE.D0.BD.D0.BE.D0.BC.D0.B 8.D1.87.D0.B5.D1.81.D0.BA.D0.B0.D1.8F_.D 0.BA.D0.B0.D1.82.D0.B0.D1.81.D1.82.D1.80.D 0.BE.D1.84.D0.B0
 

new variety new variety, went to the vegetable garden, I almost got eaten by carrots ))))

It lives somewhere in the north of Udmurtia )

 

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