Humour - page 71
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...Skolkovo News! http://www.newsru.com/russia/04sep2012/fekal_print.html
Russia has patented a weapon with fecal shells
"...flies out of a tank and smacks right into the enemy. "This method of warfare is designed to crush the spirit and oppress the psyche of the enemy."
and this guy's still on fire ))))
>and this guy's still on fire ))))
caboverda escudo to salvadoran column :)))
the kangaroo and the panda on the chart completely finished and dispelled all doubts.
the guy clearly has a talent for making fun of traders. we are waiting for more reviews.
>a caboverda escudo to the salvadoran column :)))
the kangaroo and the panda on the chart killed the doubts.
the guy has an obvious talent for making fun of traders. we are waiting for more reviews.
and this ? )))
>and this ? )))
Nah. the gurus are more glamorous. this is just a publicity stunt // like a camera test.
Aleksandr Semenov, an inventor from St Petersburg, has patented a combat system that allows tank crews to use their own excrement for firing. Reports of this have stirred up the British press today.
The patent document is reportedly 12 pages long and includes only two technical drawings. According to the developer's idea, the tank driver would have to sit on an empty tank designed to collect his faeces.
"The military fills the tank immediately or in two stages. Once the tank is full, it is securely closed from above with a lid," Interfax quoted the text of the patent as saying. Then the projectile produced from the waste of the driver and other crew members is fired in the direction of the enemy.
The author of the project insists that such technology will solve at least two problems: it will allow the disposal of excrement and at the same time lower the enemy's morale.
"In addition to the damaging factors, the significance of which in this case is secondary, we also get a positive psychological effect. In addition to achieving the main goal (complete disposal of the waste), a military-psychological effect is also achieved," assures the developer.
This is reportedly not Semenov's only invention: he holds a total of 200 patents
This story happened quite a long time ago to a friend of mine. I'll tell it as I remember it.
Back in the Soviet times, when perestroika was just starting, I was studying at the institute and had a weakness for French films and the English language.
So a friend of mine, who organised cultural events in a very famous establishment, invited me there to watch a French film.
Before the film, an official from the French embassy was supposed to speak (not the cultural attache or the ambassador himself).
I went to the screening, the place was packed to bursting with people. Of course, it was the screening of a new film and the opportunity to gawk at the French from the embassy.
And then my friend comes running up to me with a look on his face:
- "It's all gone, it's all gone - the interpreter's sick. There's no one to translate the ambassador. Help me out.
- You're out of your fucking mind. I don't know any French. I'm learning English," I tell him.
- What difference does it make, English-French... The translation was made a long time ago and printed.
All you have to do is read from a piece of paper. Say yes, you'll get paid for it, and I'll invite you to all future screenings.
And I agreed.
A few minutes later, the Ambassador arrived, came to the podium, and I also came to the podium behind him, holding a folder with a translation in my hands.
The Frenchman read a few phrases in his own language and moved away from the microphone, letting me go forward.
I opened the folder and read:
"Dear Soviet friends, we are pleased to welcome you to this hall. We hope that this will serve to strengthen Soviet-French friendship...".
And so we progressed further through the text - he would read a few phrases into the microphone, then I a few phrases.
The audience was bored, waiting for us to finish and for the film to begin.
And then finally reaching the end of the translation, I read the last phrase:
"And now you will see a French feature film. Enjoy watching it. Goodbye."
I was about to leave the stage when I noticed that the Frenchman was still reading.
I realise that, not knowing French, I'm ahead of him somewhere.
I also realise that this smells of an international scandal, expulsion from university, and various other troubles...
Meanwhile, the Frenchman had finished reading his few sentences and moved away from the microphone to let me pass.
What could I do?
I opened the folder with the text and started reading from the beginning:
"Dear Soviet friends, we are pleased to welcome you to this hall..."
The audience cheered.
As the audience had heard this phrase before, it began to dawn on them that something had gone wrong.
Unaware of my translation difficulties, they thought the Frenchman had a headache, like the late Brezhnev.
And though people were still sitting quietly, the smiles on their faces began to blossom like snowdrops in March.
The Frenchman, on the other hand, smiling and gesticulating, seeing that people in the audience were finally starting to smile in response to his rousing speech. We did a little more reading and during one of his sentences, the Frenchman made a large gesture with his hand as if pointing at the screen.
I decided that this was definitely the end of his speech, turned the pages and read the last sentence
"Enjoy the show. Goodbye."
And the Frenchman continued reading. At this point I didn't care anymore.
I opened the first page and once again read:
"Dear Soviet friends, we are pleased to welcome you to this hall..."
The room froze, and some girl bent in half in her chair, shook herself finely and burst into loud gushing laughter.
And the hall erupted in laughter. People laughed. Some just sobbed with laughter, crawling to the floor...
The dazed Frenchman and I were dragged off the stage by a responsible employee.
Thank God this whole "outrage" ended without consequences. Somewhere they found a man who spoke French. When he explained to the distinguished guest what had happened, he laughed at the situation along with everyone else.
My friend was given a mild reprimand and I was referred to in our company for a long time afterwards:
"Vasya's dad is good at maths..."
[From the internet]