[Archive c 17.03.2008] Humour [Archive to 28.04.2012] - page 771
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A prime example of false correlations:
A trader is a person who has stepped on a rake.
Dummies - a novice trader who has never stepped on a rake and is therefore convinced that a rake does not exist.
Loach - a trader who regularly steps on a rake, but still believes that there is no such thing as a rake.
A narrow specialist - a trader who uses the same rake as a perfect technologist.
Broad specialist - a trader stepping on more than two rakes in parallel.
Intraday trader - a trader who specializes in stepping on a rake dozens of times a day.
Player - a trader for whom stepping on a rake is more important than the process itself.
A mechanistic trader - a trader who is able to automate the process of stepping on a rake.
Investor - a person who has stepped on a rake once but is scarred for life.
Investment strategy - a concept that limits the number of rakes available for stepping on.
Portfolio - rules for stepping on more than one rake at a time (applied by broad practitioners).
Asset manager - someone for whom the most important thing in stepping on a rake is the outcome. He starts with stepping on his own rake and then, having gained experience, moves on to another's rake.
Mutual Funds are created for those, who want to get rake in absentia and not to be crowded at the exchange market.
The theory of technical analysis - Kama Sutra of traders, describing various ways of stepping on the rake; very popular with dummies.
Fundamental Analysis - the process of measuring and weighing the rake to assess its potential to hit; used by analysts.
Exchange - a field dotted with rakes.
Brokers - guides to the world of the rake, which provide a constant opportunity to step on the rake to everyone who wishes for a reasonable fee.
Analysts are mythical beings, brokers' accomplices, evil spirits - patrons of rakes. They specially seek out and strongly recommend the rake with the most painful blows.
Longs - rakes with long handles.
Shorts - rakes with short handles.
Emitters - manufacturers who produce rakes.
Off-list rakes - rakes for which there are no limits on the number of times they can be stepped on.
Losses - bumps from hitting a rake on the forehead.
Shoulder - the ability to spend more money to buy more and more rakes, each one hitting harder than the previous ones.
Margin Call - loss of consciousness from a super rake blow.
MetaStock - a computer miracle program that allows you to learn how to step on rake according to technical analysis.
Indicators are X-ray glasses, which allow you to find the rake, which does not lie well, in the half-light.
Japanese candles - an old, tried-and-true way of illuminating to find rakes in the dark; actively used when there was no electricity yet.
Dividends - rubber overlays on rake handles.
Profit - a case of a rake handle flying past your head and hitting someone else.
Elliott Theory - the rule that says that five strong rake strokes are followed by three weaker strokes.
Fibonacci - the good angel, the gauge of the rake's flight path.
Divergence - hitting the back of the head with a rake that has bounced off someone else's head.
Internet - a technology that allows one to step on a rake that is on the other side of the Earth.
Forum - a technology of communication, which allows everyone to step on the rake, not only on their own, but also on the rake of others.
Client support service - broker's department that gives advice on what to do after stepping on a rake. Usually its first advice is to step on another rake and compare the experience.
Commentary on the RBC channel is a public ranking of today's most popular rake with statistics on the bumps received.
IPO - the release of more and more rakes with increased hitting power.
Stop Loss - a hat with earflaps, which partially softens the hits of the rake.
Crisis - a situation when you get hit by a rake without even stepping on it.
Trading terminal - a program that allows you to monitor on-line the process of everyone stepping on a rake today, and then get involved yourself