[Archive c 17.03.2008] Humour [Archive to 28.04.2012] - page 277
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Puppets
In the army, I had a friend Dima Semenov from Ordzhonikidze (in case he
will read it and find me on the Internet). He was an amateur radio operator, and
Soldiers, they were all for any hullabaloo, even hunger strikes, just to break the
the daily routine for a change.
Especially in the evenings, we got a command:
- "COMPANY, SIT DOWN TO WATCH THE PROGRAM "TIME"!!!
Everybody ran with stools and built a rectangle. We had to
instead of smoking and filing for an hour, sit with a straight back and listen about
the spikelets' troughs... and so on.
Dima hatched a plan, drew schemes, I unscrewed for him whatever radio components
that came to hand (after all, we have air defense), and finally he put together
a grandiose mega-apparatus that fit into a matchbox. Everything
very simple, just two knobs, one for setting the frequency and the other
signal strength. It was a TV interference generator.
There were two sergeants in our company. One is "smart" and the other is "strong". Watching
watching the program "Time", suddenly there's interference, more, more. The "strong one" comes up,
bangs his fist on the TV, the result is zero, but as soon as he turns
his back to him, the TV shows, shakes a little, ripples and howls again
on the speaker. He had to stand with his back to the telly, any attempt to
to move would upset the TV. So he stood there with stifled laughter.
Dima and I called it a puppet show. Then we'd take on the smart one.
The TV would start moping, and the strong one would have to stand backwards,
but that didn't help. The "smart one" took over. He'd start doing
the telly and freeze when the image appeared (usually with
hands in the air). Sometimes Dima and I would decide in advance which theatre the puppets
puppets would show us today, and we felt like masters of the world.
When the sergeants got bored with it, they would turn off the box, but if suddenly
the unit's duty officer came by, he'd give them a hard time for disrupting the daily routine, especially
he had the TV running like clockwork and no excuses. They had to
puppets to stand in strange poses, and no matter how hard they tried to put
a soldier in their place, the TV didn't show, even if the rookie
was changed into a sergeant's uniform. Finally they came up with the idea of breaking their
torturer. When they brought us a new colour one, everyone said: - wow!!!!
Only Dima and I laughed out loud (we almost got caught). The soul of the old telly
The soul of the old one had moved into the new TV.
Seems silly, but the whole company had been waiting all day for the evening show.
Army wisdom says it right: Wherever you kiss a soldier, everywhere...
ass...
was the Marxist brand of Britain's Morningstar newspaper.
At school I was forced to read...
Now, who owns it?
morningstar
Ridiculous!!!
;)
Wrong Morning Old - here's the communist one - http://www.morningstaronline.co.uk/
Wrong Morning Old - here's the communist one - http://www.morningstaronline.co.uk/
And still for our money, in Europe they show our fires several times a day, but not a line here
Pole dancing
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2H1zjRU8hBo&feature=player_embedded
>Headless rooster Mike
Clara Olsen planned to cook the chicken for dinner. Her husband, Lloyd Olsen, was sent to the chicken coop with the quite ordinary mission of preparing the chicken to meet the frying pan. But the solution to the task at hand turned out to be anything but ordinary.
Lloyd knew that his mother-in-law would be dining with them and that she liked the neck of the chicken. He aimed the axe so as to leave the neck as large as possible. "Pleasing the mother-in-law was important both in the 1940s and today."
The skilled blow was executed and the chicken became more like a fresh poultry carcass. The resilient bird then recovered from the shock and "life began to get better". Mike (it is not known when the famous rooster got his nickname) went back to what he was doing before the execution. He went looking for crumbs around the yard and brushing his feathers just like the rest of his coop mates.
When Olsen found Mike sleeping with his 'head' under his wing the next morning, he decided that since Mike had survived, he should live on. Lloyd devised a way to feed and water him. With a dropper Mike was given grain and water.
It was becoming apparent that Mike was an unusual rooster.
After a week of Mike's new life, Olsen picked him up and took him 250 miles away to the University of Utah in Salt Lake City. Sceptical scientists tried to answer all questions about Mike's amazing ability to live without a head. It was determined that the axe blade had missed the jugular vein, and a clot of blood prevented Mike from dying of blood loss. Although most of his head was missing, most of his brainstem and one ear remained with him. As most of the chick's reflexes are controlled by the brainstem, Mike was able to remain quite healthy.
In the 18 MONTHS that Mike lived as "The Amazing Headless Chicken", he gained weight from a mere 2.5 pounds to almost 8 pounds. In an interview, Olsen said Mike was "a fine specimen of a healthy chicken except for the lack of a head."
Some Fruitt residents also remember Mike - "he was a big fat chicken who didn't know he had no head" - "he seemed as happy as any other chicken."
The Wonder Rooster was a must-see for everyone, and Olsen gave it a national tour. The curious in New York, Atlantic City, Los Angeles and San Diego paid 25 cents each to see Mike. "The Amazing Chicken" was valued at $10,000 and insured for the same amount. His fame and fortune further improved after he was published in Life and Time Magazine. It goes without saying, All was registered in the Guinness Book of World Records.
Returning from one of these road trips, Olsen stopped at a motel in the Arizona desert. In the middle of the night, Mike started panting. Lloyd couldn't quickly find an eyedropper to clear Mike's throat. And Mike left this mortal world...
Goods in an online shop
What is this? http://kadyrov2012.org/
Not funny jokes.
Sveta, you've got it wrong.)
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