Humour - page 216
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There's a bit in there about Spanish - is that true?
How was the correct explanation given for the accident after the collision with the Hummer car ! (Read sitting down!)
I, name, was moving __.__.2012 at __.__ in the direction of Red Army Avenue on a scooter Gilera Fuoco 500. At the intersection with Berounskaya Street I and other participants suddenly drove a black Hummer without a properly mounted number plate at a red light. I, realising the danger and avoiding an accident, was forced in braking into the oncoming traffic lane, where I stopped on the roadside.
In the process of braking, manoeuvring and stopping I heard a strong bang from behind. Having turned round, I saw, that car #Hummer had struck the car #Suzuki Jimny (registration number ______) following me in the same direction, practically having torn off a cowl space. Having noticed a girl at the wheel of the injured Suzuki Jimny, I went to give her possible first aid.
As I approached the car I noticed a child in a child seat in the back seat. I opened the boot of the injured car, got the child (a boy about 4 years old) through the trunk, took the same emergency stop sign, set it and through the window of the driver's door helped the girl-driver to get out.
After escorting her and the child to the curb and making sure they were not seriously injured, I asked the driver of the Mitsubishi Airtrek, licence plate number ______, who had also stopped to help, to call an ambulance and the traffic police. I then approached the Hummer solely to see if its driver needed my help. Through the open window of the Hummer I saw two persons, obviously from the South. Dark skin, curly stiff hair and distinctive facial features were evidence of this.
I assumed that they were lost Spanish tourists and in a friendly manner asked them in their own language if they had noticed the red traffic light - Al huele pido rosa (I had learnt Spanish at the school of the Soviet Embassy in Madrid, where my father worked as a driver).
In response, the driver of the Hummer, through the open window of his car, hit me in the head with his left hand. Since I had not removed my helmet, which I am obliged to wear under the traffic regulations, the impact was felt on my helmet. This explains the broken 4 fingers on his left hand. Then he jumped out of the car and hit the head with his right hand. That would explain the fracture in the radius.
A passenger who then jumped out of the same car hit me on the back with some heavy object, and I didn't engage in physical combat with him, but simply laid him gently on the pavement and began to wait for the traffic police to arrive, like a law-abiding citizen.
He didn't cause me any damage, as I was wearing a motorbike outfit, more commonly known as a "turtle", underneath my jacket. His broken nose and jaw could be explained by the fact that the airbags did not deploy at the moment of impact of the Hummer with the Suzuki Jimny, and he has injured himself on the front panel of the car.
I cannot say anything about the torn to shreds official ID of Assistant Deputy of Makhachkala Council of Deputies under the name of ...FIO...., as I do not know it. I also do not know how the torn official ID could end up in the mouth and gullet of the Hummer's driver.
I cannot say anything about the group of citizens on motorbikes and scooters gathered around the accident scene as I do not know these people at all.
I also know absolutely nothing about who cut all wheels of Hummer car, who drove a crowbar through its roof, who broke all glasses and cut a leather saloon, thus making it unusable and with the already mentioned crowbar turned the already damaged bonnet and damaged the engine.
The truthfulness of my words can be confirmed by witnesses and participants of the accident, for example drivers of car Mitsubishi Airtrek, number plate number ______ and car Suzuki Jimny.
Date __.__.2012. Подпись_________(___________)
A little bit of a hillbilly, but a little bit of an uncle in Kiev! What's that got to do with Spanish? Again, it's Mitsubishi Airtrek, Suzuki Jimny, Hummer, Gilera Fuoco.
And "Al huele pido rosa?" sounds just as Russian in their Caucasian accent and manner. It is impossible to understand what he was trying to say. If it's "Al huele pido esa rosa!" then it should be "Al oler le pido esa rosa!" And there's no question here! Anyway, that's what he said. They don't even speak Russian like it smells. His daddy paid him for the crust, so he already knows it! The main thing is to pay! And whoever doesn't understand him has to pay him! That's how they live! Eating and everything else, but culture, science... what do they eat it with?
Borya, you must have a sense of humour.
It's obvious that the phrase in Spanish doesn't mean anything. Read it in Russian and it'll make sense: "Are you crazy, you gays?".
Borya, for fuck's sake, you must have a sense of humour.
Well, it's obvious that the phrase in Spanish doesn't mean anything. Read it in Russian and it all makes sense, like, "Are you fucking nuts, you gays?!"
A month ago, a stranger called me on my mobile and asked me to transfer 500 UAH to his number, which had been credited to my account by mistake. I checked my account
- Really extra 500 hryvnias on my account. Transferred them to his number.
As a gag, I told my friends. They laughed and called me a sucker.
A week ago the same strange guy called. ...made an appointment...
For three days now, I've been the commercial director of a big holding company...
People I know are asking me for a job.
I'm thinking.
That's it. You're my idol. You did it.
A month ago, a stranger called me on my mobile and asked me to transfer 500 UAH to his number, which was mistakenly credited to my account. I checked my account
- Really extra 500 hryvnias on my account. Transferred them to his number.
As a gag, I told my friends. They laughed and called me a sucker.
A week ago the same strange guy called. ...made an appointment...
For three days now, I've been the commercial director of a big holding company...
People I know are asking me for a job.
I'm thinking.
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