Humour - page 118
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- Why did you hit your husband?
- Oh, my God, like you need a reason.
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If you are lonely, don't think everyone has forgotten about you. You are remembered by the women you've cheated on, the friends you've betrayed, the relatives you've forgotten, the bank and the military recruitment office.
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- I've heard of anthropologists studying Bigfoot by the feces he left behind.
- What's that? Psychiatrists study the feces of someone who's seen Bigfoot...
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Biggest student lie: "List of references."
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Him: Send me a picture.
She: - Nope))
Him: Well then describe yourself in words...
She: - Let's say you describe yourself, and I will describe myself.
It's a deal!
Go ahead.
Him: - Boobs, size zero... Now you.
She: - You're an asshole! ))
He: - Mademoiselle, you are in violation of the deal.
She: 5.
He: - That's it, it's not interesting without a picture.
Woah cool :))))
To all men with a sense of humour.
Walk up to a girl and say:
- Girl, you've got the prettiest spot dirty!
And then watch where she looks.)))
Volodya, I've had a drink, but I still don't understand why you didn't go to popovka, eh?
What do you mean? Is Popovka a university or something else?
What do you mean? Is Popovka a university or something else?
Did it break through...? :-)
Flat.
Not my own, taken from the internet, it's funny...
I am driving my car at the exit of the petrol station. 100 metres away from me (at the entrance of the petrol station), after slowing down, a truck is flashing its right indicator and is clearly about to enter the petrol station. I drive out. A seven is following me.
The truck doesn't turn for some reason, but increases the throttle, catches up with us and starts blowing its horn. He says we're in the way. It's a narrow road, heading out of town. Honestly, I'm doing 60 in the city. Every kilometre the truck blows on me and the seven, like, "Take off! Make way! Make way!"
All in a friendly manner came to the only shop (no gas stations or shops at 30 miles further). An old fella comes out of a seven-car truck. The driver gets out of the truck and starts swearing menacingly towards us. So, two dialogues:
"Fucking assholes, you can't fucking drive, faggot... you cunts!"
I said, "mate, you've got your indicator on and you're about to pull in for petrol."
Driver: "Fuck you... "I don't give a fuck. I'm askin' you... I'm askin' you what the fuck you're doin'... fuckin'..."
I (sensing the 'contingent' don't understand and need to change their philological approach): "Fucking PAVLIN, you turn your indicator on in the f... fuck in the morning, so you don't forget it, and you drive the whole fucking day!"
The driver turns to the truck, sees the hysterically flashing blinking indicator and turns to us, obviously looking for sympathy, he says: "Oh, fuck! А? Oh, fuck!"
No, that's not the end of the story. This is the beginning of the story.
The old dandelion man (who later turned out to be a professor in the Department of Pedagogy and Psychology): "You, young man, have just set a precedent. Up to now it was considered in psychology that the low-productive brain of some people is not capable of forming a phrase with the proper speed, so the undeveloped primitive individuals need to use parasitic words, such as swear words, without which they have no time to construct and link the phrase. You have objectively shown that such creatures are unable to understand a phrase without these very parasitic words. Your discovery cardinally changes the approach to advertising for the unprepared masses and has great prospects for implementation in various fields of economy.
I try with all my might, facial expressions and gestures to stop the old man from escalating the conflict, for the driver was just on his way to us to make faces, and the old man, it turns out, is trying his best to pick a fight, calling the driver a "primitive underdeveloped individual" and a "creature" with a "low productive brain".
And then the driver goes off on his tirade: "Oh, shit! "Forgot to fucking fill up..." I can tell he's very upset.
That's it. The old man with his pedagogy and psychology is right! The driver didn't even understand what was said about him in his presence!
Did it break through...? :-)
Flat.
What do you mean? What do you mean it's bursting? I'm losing you guys. This is a humor thread, not a slang mystery thread. You can't just sit there and wonder what a term means or what it's about. :( It's no fun...
What do you mean? What do you mean it's bursting? I can't understand you guys anymore.
You need a rest, IMHO!
YOU'VE BEEN WORKING TOO HARD! You're not taking care of yourself lately... :-)
You need a rest, IMHO!
YOU'VE BEEN BUSY! Not taking care of yourself at all lately... :-)
You can go crazy with questions like that. Look what Google came up with: