[Archive c 17.03.2008] Humour [Archive to 28.04.2012] - page 837
You are missing trading opportunities:
- Free trading apps
- Over 8,000 signals for copying
- Economic news for exploring financial markets
Registration
Log in
You agree to website policy and terms of use
If you do not have an account, please register
here, I could barely find the bogeyman...
It looks like Barbaria was involved here, too.
- Come on... Shall we go "have tea" or "have tea"?
- What's the difference?!
- In the second case you have to shave your legs...
- Fuck, they rule the country, but they can't handle their dick!
***
Only Russia has real spirituality, because no one but a Russian can drink a litre and still talk.
***
From a midwife's recollection:
- It was a very difficult birth. Vova Putin had to be pulled with forceps... I understand now: he was already trying to stay on for a second term!
***
Yesterday the US Tomahawk cruise missile (worth 2 million dollars) destroyed an important strategic target in Afghanistan - a herd of donkeys (5 pieces, total value 200 dollars).
The world is watching with interest the economic race between these two superpowers.
***
- How do you keep a blonde occupied for 40 minutes? Well, to get out of the way...
- Take an A-4 sheet of paper and write on both sides, "Flip it over." Success guaranteed!
***
- What are you making?
- I'm making fish casserole.
- Wow! You know how to make fish cakes?
- What's there to cook? - A piece of roach, a sip of beer...
***
- Honey, you're so beautiful, so sweet, so homemade!
- No sex, I'm tired...
- You selfish, ungrateful! And your borscht is sour! And your ass is fat!
***
They say there's no such thing as a perfect woman. I went to the mirror. They're lying, the bastards!
***
The real women's scale doesn't show weight, it just says, "You're the prettiest."
***
A cat is a nerve-soothing animal, if you stroke it gently with your hand or nudge it gently with your foot.
***
- You know, I'm a novice amateur gardener. Do you happen to know what kind of cucumbers go best with vodka?
***
"Gazprom": there's a profession to sell the motherland!
***
Woodpecker's got a hollow!
***
The law of universal gravitation before Newton could have been discovered by a Malay scientist, but he was killed by a coconut!
***
Sometimes moods can only be improved by damaging your health.
***
Bait placed on a lump of rice turns into sushi.
***
A cemetery at night is the only place on earth you'd be less scared of a drunken man with a bat than a little girl in a white dress.
***
- Girl, how old are you?
- You're going to jail, uncle, you're going to jail...
***
One step from a kiss to a quarrel, and a week from a quarrel to a kiss, or even new boots!
The head doctor of the mental hospital reads the news in the newspaper: "Galkin married Pugacheva", "Two gay men from the UK adopted a Ukrainian boy", "The president dances the American battle", "Thongs are deadly for women", "Tomatoes kill potency". - That's it, I'm discharging everyone tomorrow! They're healthy!
One grandmother to another:
- They say Medvedev has got fleas in his jumper!
- Hello, Mum, Dad spilled coffee on a white towel. Should I soak it or something?
- Don't touch your father! Throw the towel in the machine, I'll take care of it tonight.
One woman smoked e-cigarettes, read an e-book, drank non-alcoholic beer and... STAYED A RETURN.
Last night on Goodnight Babies, the puppeteer accidentally bumped his head on the table. That's the kind of bedtime wish the kids haven't heard from Stepashka yet...
http://netesov.livejournal.com/132849.html