[Archive c 17.03.2008] Humour [Archive to 28.04.2012] - page 133
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Abbreviations from programmers
! - no&! - and no!
!,!&! - no, no & no!
...-dot.
!&. - no & dot!
= - equals
* - all
!* - not all
*= - all the same
!*=? - is it all the same ?
*>&> - more and more
# - exactly
!# - approximately
!#* - almost everything
$? - is there any money?
>! - no more
#!? - definitely not?
!4u is not for you
&? - so what?
&!? - & nothing
- Bring me, father, a mould! - said the eldest.
- A doctor's instrument?
- No, father, a mould. To draw ovals. And a slide rule.
- How many centimeters, daughter?
- It doesn't matter, father. Will you remember?
- I'll remember, old girl. And what do you want, my middle daughter?
- And for me, father, bring a tester.
- To fry breadcrumbs?
- Not a toaster, father, but a tester. It's a device. A measuring device. With wires, with clamps. Up to kilo-ohm. And don't get the electronic one. I want the old one. I'm more used to it.
- Oh! - Father sighed. - What can I get you, little one?
- And for me, father, bring me a milling machine. And also an electric jigsaw, a jig saw, a Bosch rotary hammer and a compact electric welder. And don't bring the electrodes, I'll get them at the construction site.
- Fucking hell! - Daddy's going to get upset. - You're women! You're a bridegroom!
You're not a jigsaw! Lipstick for you, lipstick for you. And for you, Junior, lipstick, nail polish and Cosmopolitan magazine. And while I'm gone - to embroider a cross! Is that clear? No building fences, no digging ditches, no chopping wood.
God gave you daughters!
2. the admin is not asleep - he is rebooting!
3. the admin is not sad, he's hovering.
4. Do not believe the hardworking Admin! For only laziness will make him tune the system once and for all!
5. Admin is not late - he just has bad traffic today!
6. If the Admin does not listen to you - it means he has a firеwаll for external traffic!
7. The phrase Admin "get a new user" does not mean the death of the latter on the Russian moors.
8. Unlike Windоws Admin is not multitasking!
9. If Admin has difficulty signing for a paycheck, offer him to type his password!
10. Asking the administrator his address, make clear that you are interested in home, otherwise you risk to get the answer such as: 192.168.0.1.
Admin knows about your underground porn collection, but is too shy to offer you his.
12. if Admin goes to the main office with the words "I went to breed" - it does not mean that he will start pestering the secretary, he is interested in the copier.
13. FloraNeT is not a new kind of network, it is the transmission of data by means of magnetic media with the traffic of 1,44 MB per one packet.
14. Beer is not alcohol for the Admin, but a virtual memory which is loaded as needed.
15. Admin will open any balloon for a balloon beer.
16. An enraged Admin does not blink nervously, but swears at you using binary code.
17. Admin is not playing around, but looking for, and, destroying a dangerous computer virus, and maybe even on your computer.
18. Admin doesn't get nervous when crossing the street, flicking his fingers in the air, he tries to save himself.
19. the admin does not enter other departments through the door, but through port 139.
20. The only virus that Admin can't handle is User MS (of any modification)
21. The expression "smash a hard drive" does not promise you to see your Admin flailing about with a gun on a tree.
22. Admin has a girlfriend, he just hesitates to put it on his desktop.
23. The words "mother", "mother" and "mamka" for the Admins have other meanings, so do not think that your Admins do not respect swih parents.
24. No one is going to stick a soap up their ass, which means that emails will be sent via POPs.
25. Your Admin's expression "dreaming of switching to a Mac" does not mean your Admin is an addict!
26. The performance of the Admins depends on the availability of the "Uninterruptible Power Supply"!
27. Creating a new Folder, do not think of yourself as the Creator, this right is given to you by Admin!
Because they run. However, there are some skinny programmers. But do not think that this is the exception to the rule - these are over-trained admins. You can also find fat admins.
These are lazy programmers.
Programmers smoke quickly, because they think. Because it will leave and you will have to think it again.
Admins have no thoughts, so they smoke slowly. They do it in those moments, when everything works and nothing falls down. That's why they smoke rarely.
Programmers go out to lunch themselves. They bring a lot of food to the office and smell it good. They eat it right on the keyboard. Because the idea.
The admins order food to the office. Because if they go to get it, something will fall. And have to run back to the office with a half-eaten hamburger. Because admins like to eat from McDonald's. Because it's delicious and they're in no danger of getting fat.
Unless they're lazy programmers.
Programmers leave work at night. Because they think.
Some of them go out at night and think at home. Some of them, who have laptops, think it in the underground. Admins don't go home. Because if they go home, something will drop. And they have to go to work. And they don't like to go to work. And they don't.
They live there. They usually have a separate nest behind a separate door, often locked with a separate lock.
Programmers sleep in on their day off. It's usually Wednesday or Monday. Because thought. On Monday, there is no thought yet. On Wednesday, there is a transition from one thought to another.
The admins sleep in the nest. From behind a separate lock at this time, snoring is sometimes heard. Admins rarely sleep more than ten minutes. Because if you sleep more than that, something will fall over. And you have to wake up when you need to.
And admins like to wake up on their own, even if after ten minutes.
Programmers drink beer. Mostly lager and a lot of it. Because a thought. As long as it floats, it can be thought. The main thing is not to let it sink.
Admins drink beer too. Because if something goes down, they don't care.
Admins like it when they don't care.
And programmers like it when they don't give a shit. That's why they often drink beer together. And they don't give a shit together. Afterwards, they sleep together. But not together. The admins sleep in the nest and the programmers sleep on the keyboard. When they wake up, they drink beer again. Because they feel like it.
Because they are admins. And programmers.
DHCP
You wake up after a wild binge. Your first words are "who am I?" and "where am I? Your neighbour, who hasn't been drinking, gives you all the details about who you are and where you are. This neighbour acts as a DHCP server. Note that there may be so-called "false DHCP servers" on the network, like your wife - when you ask her "who am I? "you're a bloody alcoholic". So dynamic parameter assignment is not always safe, it is recommended to write down your parameters (name, your address, etc) on a piece of paper.
Default route
Walk up to a passer-by and ask "can you tell me how to get to Nevmirovich-Danchenko mortuary?". There is a high probability you will be turned down. So, this is the default route, in other words if the destination address is unknown, packets are sent to the default route (synonyms: default gateway, dafault gateway).
TTL concept
Imagine you are 5 years old and you want to eat. You go to your daddy and say: "Daddy, I am hungry". Your dad is watching TV, according to the routing table he sends you to your mum. You go to her and say "Mama, I want to eat". Mum is talking to her friend on the phone and according to her routing table she sends you to Daddy. And so you go like a fool from daddy to mommy and back, back and forth, back and forth, all because the crooked admins (parents of daddy and mommy) didn't set up the routing table correctly. To protect ourselves from such situations, they invented the concept of TTL (Time To Live), which, as applied to our situation, means the amount of patience a boy has until he says "zamonali" and falls at the feet of mum or dad in a helpless state. The latter, by the rules (the standards are "that's how it's done in the family"), is obliged to send a short unflattering review to the person who sent the boy to eat. This is the so-called icmp packet "the boy is dead".
Ping
You've certainly been in a "you're the fool" situation. You shout "Petya, you sucker" and in response you hear "Vasya, you sucker yourself". It's a simple ping. You just pinged Vasya. Not everyone responds to pings, especially cultured ones, like Microsoft.com don't bother to respond to your requests. It's no use arguing with them, we know they hear you and get angry but we can't get them to respond. Pinging is a good way to find out if the host is alive, but kicking a dead body is not a good way to get a "fool for himself" reaction.
Traceroute
Imagine you live on the 9th floor and want to know all the tenants who live from you to the 3rd floor. You take an explosive packet and, based on the free fall formula, calculate the time the packet explodes over the 8th floor. That's TTL=1.
After the bag explodes, the 8th-floor neighbour's pissed-off face looks out. The reaction time depends on the server load, i.e. the busyness of the neighbour and the shakes, i.e. whether your system is in the air or you live on a planet where the atmosphere is liquid nitrogen. So, if you don't get an answer at all - your neighbour is deaf - he banned icmp answers, or he banned them only for you if he's already sick of your tricks and learned to ignore you. Then you set TTL=2 and so on. Don't forget that if the hook lives above you, it's a No route to host :(
Kirkorov has nothing to do with it. It's just that psychology is a pseudoscience and totally unspiritual.
Well, if you prefer Kirkorov to Cohen, I'm not at all surprised that your life sucks.
timbo, I am not a fan of Kir........, moreover, I dislike the man .I dislike his behaviour. There are songs that depress the psyche and there are songs that excite it (not to be confused with erotic excitement). You want to cry, cry, who doesn't let you, you have the right. The only thing you won't get anything good out of the process.
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Andrei01, psychology is a science. It is made into pseudoscience by scoundrels like self-appointed healers, clairvoyants, sorcerers and other impurities. This includes some university teachers. Unfortunately there is no video, but it is worth believing, I myself have seen and heard the nonsense that they say to students.
And here's an interesting video with a cultural studies teacher: https://www.mql5.com/go?link=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wYsJE8ctNwY
This is how cultural studies is taught. It is interesting that he is not alone, there are many such teachers.