Traders joking, the beginning - page 140
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"Mike Tyson: Brad Pitt slept with my wife and I walked in on them" source
Hey MiniMe,
how did you find that, i like it
still funny
hheheheheh hehe
try to find my posted link on random lottery number generator, but the new google assisted search is not as good as the old forex-tsd ones
http://www.howwinlottery.com/
try to find my posted link on random lottery number generator, but the new google assisted search is not as good as the old forex-tsd ones YOUR LUCKY LOTTERY NUMBERS
did you try MathRand();
"Today in Washington, President Obama met with leaders of the American Indian tribes and they honored the president by giving him his own Indian name: "Running Deficit."
The Emu
An Aussie truckie walks into an outback cafe with a full-grown emu behind him. The waitress asks them for their orders.
The truckie says, 'A hamburger, chips and a coke,' and turns to the emu, 'What's yours?’ 'I'll have the same,' says the emu.
A short time later the waitress returns with the order 'That will be $9.40 please,' and he reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.
The next day, the man and the emu come again and he says, 'A hamburger, chips and a coke.' The emu says, 'I'll have the same.'
Again the truckie reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.
This becomes routine until the two enter again. 'The usual?' asks the waitress.
'No, it's Friday night, so I'll have a steak, baked potato and a salad,' says the man. 'Same,' says the emu.
Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, 'That will be $32.62.'
Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.
The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. 'Excuse me, mate, how do you manage to always come up with the exact change in your pocket every time?'
'Well, love' says the truckie, 'a few years ago I was cleaning out the back shed, and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there.'
'That's brilliant!' says the waitress. 'Most people would ask for a million dollars or something, but you’ll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!'
'That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there,' says the man.
The waitress asks, 'What's with the bloody emu?'
The truckie sighs, pauses, and answers, 'My second wish was for a tall chick with a big bum and long legs, who agrees with everything I say.'
found this the other day while looking for trading videos
(honest)
not really a joke but more of a puzzle
Newswoman Dress Hiked Up & Black Object Between Legs - YouTube
A man in a hot air balloon realised he was lost.
He reduced his altitude and saw a man below.
"Excuse me, but can you help me?
I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago but
I don't know where I am," he said.
The man below replied: "You are in a hot air balloon
hovering approximately 30 ft above the ground.
You are between 40 and 41 degrees North latitude and
between 56 and 57 degrees West longitude."
To which the balloonist replied:
"You must be a broker." To which the man on the ground said:
"I am, but how did you know?"
The reply came from above: "Everything you told me is
technically correct but I have no idea what to make of your
information, and the fact is I'm still lost.
Frankly, you've not been much help so far."
The man below responded: "You must be a trader."
To which the balloonist replied: "Yes, I am, but how did you know?"
To which the man on the ground said: "You don't know where you
are or where you are going. You have risen to your current position
due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise which you have
no idea how to keep and you expect me to solve your problem.
The fact is, you are in exactly the same position you were in
before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault."
Day Trading Terms
Advisor – the one who charges money for a piece of stock advice to cover his/her losses on the market.
Advisory Service - an advisor who lost a considerable amount of money and started new business.
Afternoon - a daily chance to give back the money you made that morning (see Friday).
Apprentice - anyone who peers at your screen shortly after you closed a profitable deal.
Average Down - what you have to do if you opened a long position and had to go to the bathroom.
Average Up - what you have to do if you opened a short position and had to go to the bathroom.
Bad Trade/Stupid Trade – an unprofitable deal that someone else carries out which does not fit your trading strategy.
Bottom - (when you have an open long position) the spot where you give up averaging down and sell; (when you have an open short position) the spot where the book recommends you to open a short position.
Break – a pause you take when you have either 2 profitable or 5 unprofitable deals in a row.
Broker - someone who studied hard and has a license to legally lose your money for a minute additional fee.
Canadian – the one who is short any stock you have.
Chart - what you check after you exit trading, trying to understand what went wrong.
Cheap Stock - a stock the price of which will decline as soon as you decide not to open a short position on it.
Confusion - 6 open positions.
Coyote Syndrome - when you feel an irresistible impulse to bite your own arm off so as not to click the mouse again.
Day Trading - trading which you start too late and exit too early.
Double Up – a phrase you employ to explain your open position after you accidentally bought more instead of selling what you had.
Down On The Day - a temporary situation until right after the next deal.
Excellent Company - any stock you know nothing about on which you carry out a profitable deal.
Excellent Long Term Investment - Position Trading that went the wrong way right after you opened a position.
Expensive Stock - a stock the price of which will rise as soon as you decide not to open a long position.
Expert – a newbie who has not begun to trade yet (see Licensed Expert).
Fossil - a rather aged dude, making less than 90 deals per day.
Freak – the one who can carry out three profitable deals in a row.
Friday – a weekly opportunity to give back everything you gained that week (see Afternoon).
Fundamental Analysis - the process of checking if you can open a short position on a stock.
Gap Up - a stock that has a higher opening price than a closing one was the day before, and will go down if you buy it, but will continue to go up if you sell it.
Genius - what you are in the eyes of an Apprentice if Lady Luck favours you 3 times in a row.
Halt (stock) – (an open position) impending really good news or really bad news, but anyway, the scariest thing possible to happen.
Highlight - selling into the rally while a dude on TV provides the complex reasons why the stock is special.
Home Run - every single deal you thoroughly consider, tell other traders about and then do not make yourself.
Huge Player - 1. A guy with over 15 thousand dollars left. 2. Any trader that has been in such a situation for more than three months.
Idiot - a fool that gives you his stock to cover your profitable short position.
INCA - (if a long position is open) some creep that puts up a 50,000 share offer right when you open a long positon; (if a short position is open) the same guy, opening a long position.
IPO - expensive cyanide.
IPO (Internet) - expensive cyanide flambé with sugar.
Joker - a professional who takes a break to laugh to himself (see Professional, Break).
Level 2 - the circle in Hell where Satan explains an extremely complicated way how to lose a great amount of money for a very short period of time.
Licensed Expert - a dude with a Series 7 license who has not started trading yet.
Loudmouth - 1. Anyone that says anything near you, while you are losing a deal. 2. A newbie who cannot pull the trigger at first, but finally does it, screaming: "Yahoo! It's running!"
Lucky Deal - a profitable deal someone else made that does not fit your strategy much.
Lunch Money - what you waste away between 11 a.m. and 1 p.m. (ET).
Manager - a day trader who found out a Never Lose Trading System.
Margin - (if you are up) a safe situation with huge potential return (if you are down) an evil trick by Unseen Forces that can cause you losing more money than you have.
Margin Call - what happens when your clearing firm makes an accounting mistake.
Market Maker - the one who set up a secret video camera behind you and who takes the other side of each of your unprofitable trades.
Moron - a blockhead, buying your profitable long position.
Moving Average - a curly line that has nothing to do with the price movement if you have an open position.
Pain - exiting at loss, reversing your position on a stock and then watching it go the way you knew it would in the first place.
Position Trading - day trading that went the wrong way right after you took a position.
Pro - a guy at trading centre who says nothing and keeps smiling all the time (see Joker).
Scalping - losing only an eighth in one go.
Secret Deal – a deal that you do not tell about to the Apprentice when he asks you how you are doing.
Short List – a daily list of stocks that will rise and never pull back.
Short List Request – a request submitted to the clearing firm which contains a list of all stocks that you could open short positions on yesterday and tomorrow, but not today.
Short Squeeze - (when you have an open short position) when a person that you have never met before and that should not have anything against you attempts to hurt you and your family on purpose; (when you have an open long position) a proof that you are a true genius.
Special Situation - when you watch your losing stop limit go by and open a position of larger volume instead of exiting trading (see Long Term Investment).
Spread – (if a deal is profitable) sharing your wealth; (if a deal is unprofitable) a malicious market maker who rips you off.
System Trading - a phrase you employ to explain to the Apprentice how your trade did not work out the way you meant.
Technical Analysis - (traditional) a voodoo, the animal blood and chanting excluded; (Point and Figure) a really weird voodoo, the animal blood and chanting excluded.
Top - (when you have an open long position) the point on the chart where the stock price backs off fast before you get out; (when you have an open short position) the exact spot where you cover.
Trainer - the only man in the room who has never tried intraday trading in his life.
Trend Line - an imaginary line on the price chart that only changes when the market is closed or when you are not looking.
Up On The Day - what you are when the market closes, not taking into account ticket charges.
Uptick - (when you have an open long position) added hope; (when you have an open short position) a market maker, letting everyone else in; (if no positions are open) a good chance to lose some money through opening a short position.
Volume Spike - (an open position) confirmation that you are either the smartest person or the biggest idiot on Earth; (no positions are open) confirmation that you are the smartest person on the planet, but you were not paying attention.