Humour - page 292

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"CRIMEAN" ANECDOTES.

- You will laugh, but the Russian-speaking parrots of Africa are also asking Putin for protection.

- The Ukrainian CEC blocked access to the voter database in Crimea and Sevastopol, but the Crimean authorities bought the Petrovka database.

- After hearing on Russian TV how well Russian citizens live, residents of Bryansk, Smolensk and Kostroma oblasts expressed a desire to join Russia too, following Crimea.

- If Putin considers Yanukovich a legitimate president, let him bill him for gas then!

- Yanukovych's press conference didn't end - someone slipped a titanium alloy fountain pen

- Somali pirates are offended when they are compared to the criminals who seized Crimea.

- You can't joke with a time machine:

Putin, by starting to restore the Russian Empire within the borders of 1913, will get the Moscow Tsardom within the borders of 1613.

- A portrait of Yanukovich has already been swapped for a portrait of Putin in the morgue in Simferopol.

- Why do Russians need their homeland only when they are outside it?

- After listening to Putin's speech, the Chinese also decided to support the Chinese-speaking population of eastern Russia and introduced small self-defence units - just a couple of million...

- Dimka Medvedev was taken to his grandmother's house for the duration of Russia's aggressive actions in Ukraine.
 

You can wash it, but don't squeeze it )))


 
 
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In higher education institutions, a grade of "OK" should be introduced. It is given to those who do not achieve a C, but who have made an effort to retake the exam several times.

The grade of "OK" is equal to the number e, but as you have to write an integer grade on the report card, it is rounded to 3.

 

That's how we live...


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Russian physicists have announced a scientific discovery. It turns out that the half-life of the radioactive isotope Ukrainium is only 22 years! Physicists in London and Washington have hastened to clarify that under specially created laboratory conditions Ukrainium can exist as long as desired. Interestingly, the isotope will build up internal field strength and the polarisation will increase in leaps and bounds. The rigid central core disintegrates and groups of elementary particles with opposite sign "maidan" and "anti-maidan" are formed, between which collisions are possible. In the presence of a powerful and phase-coordinated external impact, from more massive isotopes with a developed force field, the Ukrainium nucleus can escape high energy radioactive particles, such as the Krymium. Unfortunately Russian scientists have not been able to replicate the research of their Western colleagues because of the high cost of the work, which reaches $15-20 billion a year. The lively discussions among scientists continue in New York, at an extraordinary meeting of the Scientific Research Security Council.
 
 
 
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