[Archive c 17.03.2008] Humour [Archive to 28.04.2012] - page 740

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****
- Can you tell me the time?
- I don't have a watch. And there was... waterproof, dustproof and shockproof.
- Well, where is it?
- Burnt out...
****
Guy meets an attractive 50-year-old lady in a bar.
Had a few drinks, chatted, she says:
- Have you ever had a threesome with your mother and daughter at the same time?
- No, I haven't.
- Would you like to?
- You're asking! Of course I would!
- Well then you're in luck, let's go to my place.
They arrive at her place, the lady opens the door and yells: "Mom, are you still awake?! "
****
A policeman is waiting outside the restaurant.
A drunken crowd comes out, settles into their cars and disperses. The policeman spots one who can hardly move his legs at all, goes after him, stops him:
- Blow into the pipe!
No result.
Cops:
- How can it be?
Man:
- And I'm on distraction duty today.

****
- Hey, why is your place so small?
- Oh, it's just average. I just like to wallpaper.
- So?
- I don't like peeling off the old stuff.

****
A guy walks a girl to her flat and knows how his date ends from the writing in the entryway.
****
The fickle weather has made the migratory birds tired of flying back and forth.
****

 
moskitman:

ZS: Nothing personal, Sergei, just saying. )


thanks for the new year's avatar
 
valenok2003:

Thanks for the New Year avatar

You're welcome, I need to think of something more cheerful for myself...
 

Dmitry Medvedev has got the bloX in a jumper...

 

Three stages of poverty:
1. No money;
2. No money at all;
3. Have to change dollars.

 
Jokes don't have to be made up, they just have to be written down.

The daughter is summoned by summons for questioning for participating in an unauthorised rally.

The summons was signed by Captain Palachev.
Senior lieutenant Kashcheyev brought it.

The daughter is shocked, shaking with fear :))
 
granit77:
Jokes don't have to be made up, they just have to be written down.

The daughter is summoned by summons for questioning for participating in an unauthorised rally.

The summons was signed by Captain Palachev.
Senior lieutenant Kashcheyev brought it.

The daughter is shocked, shaking with fear :))

Ask for the names of those higher up))
 

Once, in the gangster days of the 1990s, I drove to Kostroma by car through the Ivanovo region for work.

Unknown path. Night, roads deserted - not a soul.

Headlights catch the names of settlements out of the darkness:

Wet.

Razdirashki.

Mogiltsy.

%(.

 
sergeyas:

Once, in the gangster days of the 1990s, I went to Kostroma by car through the Ivanovo region for work...

In those same years, I drove a Belarusian lorry to Lysva, Perm province, to exchange canned vegetables for tin for lids. The closer you get to the Urals, the more selfless you are. Almost every village put up a barrier and demanded money for the passage. The Belorussian driver helped out. He took a handful of "zajchiki" (one ruble per kilo) from his wide trousers and openly shoveled it to everyone, saying: "I understand, folks, that everyone needs a penny. Take it, I'm not greedy!" Most of the time it worked.
Only in Izhevsk did they shake us off completely, right in the centre of the city. The bunnies didn't work against AKMs :))
 
granit77:
You don't have to make up jokes, you just have to write them down.

My daughter was summoned to the threat office for questioning for participating in an unauthorised rally.

The summons was signed by Captain Palachev.
Senior lieutenant Kashcheyev brought it.

The daughter is shocked, shaking with fear :))


Wow! And you thought it would be so easy? Now the next five years will be invited there. The daughter will be asked who she was with: Vasya, Petya, Masha. They'll invite Vasya, Petya Masha... And so on.

The other day I had to go to the prosecutor's office, about fifteen years ago. However, the investigator was a nice guy and we had a very pleasant conversation. But they are not as nice as they are in the prosecutor's office.)

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