Interesting and Humour - page 99

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Urain:
It's probably in some tricky versions, I have FF 3.6, I don't like to change the software if I'm happy with it. I don't like to change the software if I'm happy with it.
I've tested it, it doesn't glitch.
 
sergeev:
I have been tested and no glitches.

No thanks, I tried it, I took it off two weeks ago, a lot of features (which I don't need for nothing), so everything is laggy, I spit all over the monitor.

ZS By the way about glitches not true, in FF7 glitches are, when downloading files, the first time an empty file is saved, and only the second attempt to download.

 
 
 
 
 
 

The Hermitage Complaint Book

Danaë's lustful, oversized, shameless body is still uncovered! I wanted to cover it up with a turtleneck - they wouldn't let me! And this is art for the people?

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It's time to remove the caretaker of the primitive art hall, who passed away last year on my first visit to your temple of art...

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I'd like to know who the Flemish artists are. I looked it up on a map, there's no Flemish country...

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The tour guide Palkina is hitting her hands with a meter pointer. Got some bruises, some fractures.

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Went round all the halls and rooms of the Hermitage, but I couldn't find the director! Does he even work or is he just getting paid?

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Didn't like the bust of Lenin in the Antique Hall. It doesn't look like him at all! Haven't they seen Lenin there?
Veterans of the Housing Department No. 5

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What idiot advised you to take care of your magnificent parquet with soldier's mastic?! Call me 912912912 at the firm "Mastic for Hermitage" and all your problems with the parquet will be solved! It's outrageous!

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Apparently you had your electrical work done by old 17th century Flemish craftsmen. Call 3974974964, we'll work something out.

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I'm sick of you and your safety glass around the exhibits! You can't take a fucking picture with a flash, it glares the shit out of everything!!! Who's dearer to you - some random vandals, who are one in a million, or us - intelligent, well-bred art lovers with cameras, wishing to capture unique creations as a memento?!

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Where are the rubbish bins in the halls? All right, we used to spit the seeds in the palm of Hercules' hand, but then where did we put them?

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The last day of the Epic is awesome! Vesuvius is on fire! I also liked the caretaker at the Borodino Hall of Fame. She's a real pussy.

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Unpleasantly surprised that the porcelain museum presents no products from our Bogdanovich Porcelain Factory. The Hermitage administration, allegedly by accident, advertises only a foreign producer! But who would believe this "coincidence"? And meanwhile our plates are in no way worse and their price is certainly better!

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I couldn't find the Amber Room for some reason. Where's it gone again?
Am I the only one who can't find it or are there more fools like me? Let's correspond, shall we?

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Having caretakers only over 60 was very disappointing to the entire crew of our submarine. We've waited six months for this excursion...

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Why is there no orientation to the sides of the world on the Hermitage map? Where is north? The moss in the paintings grows on different sides. I haven't been able to leave the Ancient World for a month!

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The caretaker in the porcelain room is like a porcelain doll herself. Such a fool. Take action or put a plaque next to the caretaker with a description and history of the exhibit. Who sculpted it anyway?

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I'm still amazed at the toilets in the Hermitage! Why the hell did the Russian emperor need forty-six toilets and twenty-three urinals! It's not in the Russian tradition at all! The temple of Russian culture should have glasses in the parquet and that's it!

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Trade is well organised. There are no queues, the sales halls are spacious and bright. Every product is described. Good, prominent labels. But, excuse me, they don't have a price on them! Clearly misleading the consumer. And there are only three cash registers for the entire supermarket (in the cafeteria). There is still some work to be done.
Chairman of the Trade Inspection Baryshev.

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In the "Culture of the East" department I found a dressing gown I gave to Yakubovich two years ago. I thought he was going to wear it at home and he disposed of it this way... It's unpleasant, because he looks like a decent man... By the way, the dressing gown is almost new, I was given it myself for my 50th birthday...

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Is it possible to rent a room in the Hermitage for your birthday?

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The Rubensian women - one with a mop, one with a chair - didn't let me enjoy Psyche.

 
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