Interesting and Humour - page 254
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and who has what?
I've got the one in the kitchen, although it's a stretch.
we have two mums, one true and one false.
the real one can't know there's a false one and the false one knows there's a true one.
the false one will never be the first to shout at the whole house "son, come here", knowing that she will be heard by the true one.
The first one to shout is the one who doesn't know the second one is there.
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The source does not give the right answer, all the answers are "less to drink" "the more we give up the better" "both should go away" and so on.
- Wake up, macho!
- Well Svetul, at least let me sleep on my day off!
- Svetulia must have gone to the shop, and I'm her husband...
Did you know that the most effective diet is going shopping without a penny in your pocket?- Extra pounds come out with drool.
Beekeepers who get fat don't get touched by bees - because they think they already have.
Strange people! At work they tell you to leave your nerves at home. At home they tell you to leave your nerves at work. Where do you leave your nerves?!
Tomorrow will be the best day ever! Tomorrow we'll start exercising, stick to our daily routine, make a lot of money, have a nice and fun holiday, give up drinking and smoking...The only problem is that when you wake up, it's TODAY!
- Honey, you know you're overweight.
- You shouldn't confuse overweight with reserve.
- Your husband runs after girls!
- That doesn't mean anything yet. My dog runs after cars too, but never once has he been lucky enough to get behind the wheel.
It's easier for men.They just have to strip down to their underwear to change into their home clothes.
When I was walking around with a runny nose, I got all sorts of advice at work...
One says:
- You need a heating pad for your whole body!(man I mean)
The other, not understanding, objects:
- Why the whole body? Just warm balls to the nose!
==================================================== Four city folk were going fishing in the countryside, but had forgotten about the fuel. They decided to send a messenger to get it, reassuring him that they would buy tickets and take a seat. They go. Some time later, of course, they, the railway auditors. The "messenger" got worried: Guys, did you take my tickets? Oh, we forgot! What should we do? Let's go under the bench, the three of us will sit on one, we'll cover you with our legs! That's the deal... So, a representative of the fucking railway authority approaches them and the three guys calmly give him FOUR tickets...
- Three of you, four tickets... Is he out for a smoke or something? No, he's here, under the bench... What's he doing there?
- HE'S AFRAID OF CONTROLLERS!
======================================================== Mum! My husband has hurt me. I'm coming to you!
- No, my daughter! Evil must be punished! I'm coming to you.
An old woman gets in a taxi with a machine gun. The taxi driver asks in surprise:
- Why are you old with a machine gun?
- It's that time, they rape you!
- Who's going to rape you old!?
The old woman loads the machine gun and says with a wink to the taxi driver:
- You will be!
An old man in a distant village, tipsy and drunk, at a public railway station:
- Hello, comrade policeman, please...
- Not comrade, mister!
- Sorry, mister policeman, please...
- Not policeman, policeman!
- Oh! Sorry, mister policeman... Have the Germans been in town long?
A man crawls into a psychiatrist's office with something in his teeth.
Psychiatrist:
- Oh, who's that? A pussycat?
The man crawls into a corner.
The doctor follows in his wake:
- A dog?
The man runs his hand along the skirting board and crawls into another corner.
The doctor keeps up:
- Oh, probably a hedgehog! No? Turtle?
The man takes the wire out of his mouth and says:
- Hey, man, you gonna let me get some Internet in peace or not?!
http://disk.yandex.ru/
privacy is dead - the intelligence agencies don't even need to create a dossier on a person - he will reveal everything about himself
privacy is dead - the intelligence services don't even need to dossier a person - he'll reveal everything about himself on his own
Do you have secrets from the secret service?
sad
How do you plan an assassination attempt, a terrorist attack and a London bombing?