Interesting and Humour - page 745
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Antivirus software: "Attention virus detected!!! What to do?
- Cure;
- Move;;
- Delete;;
- Ignore;
- Send to a friend!"
-What size are you?
-He's 170, weight 60, 90-60-90, chest size 3, hair...
The second one:
-Anka, wake up, you're not in ICQ!!!
-The first prepares the demo version of the fence, the second prepares the basic version, and the third corrects previous deficiencies and repaints the fence all over again.
- tests the memory =)...
- What is the difference between Win95 and a woman? - Nothing - the same ability
to spout tons of useless information and ask three times
Why don't they put a MIKROSOFT system on rockets?
Or she'll come back for confirmation.
- Have you started drinking on your own?
- Don't get in the way! We're having a skype bachelorette party!
10 programmers decided to make a product, One asked: "Where's the money?", and there are nine of them left.
FoõPro, and there were 8 of them left.
8 programmers bought IBM, One said: "Mac is better!", - and there were 7 of them left.
7 programmers wanted to read Helr, One of them had a screw loose, so that left 6 of them.
6 programmers trying to understand the code, One of them went mad, and there were 5 of them left.
5 programmers bought a CD-ROM, One brought a Chinese CD-ROM and there were 4 of them left.
4 programmers were working in C, One of them praised Pascal and they were left with 3.
3 programmers were online playing DOOM, One got a little slow, and the score was 2.
Two programmers typed together: "win". One got tired of waiting for the download - only 1 was left.
1 programmer took everything under his control, but he met with a customer, and they were 0.
0 programmers begrudgingly scolded by angry boss, Then he sacked one, and they all FF.
Depression is when you turn on the internet and don't know where to go
- There comes a time in everyone's life when we begin to hate classical music...
- Oops, a new device has been discovered...
Announcement: Inkjet printer for sale, 5 metres of jet.
a policeman walks up to him:
- What are you crying for, baby?
- I'm lost...
- Do you know your address?
- Yeah.
- Ah, fuck! Where's that? Do you even know your name?
You're really going off the deep end here. You're twittering away. )))
- What are you writing?
- Let's run it and find out!
and can barely move his arms and legs. And another one, sober, walks towards him:
- Hey, Vasya, what's up? Didn't you get cured a week ago?
- Aha! - Hic! - And I - Eek! - I-I-I picked up the c-c-code yesterday...
User: - Install the new video card drivers.
Windows: - Do you have a disk?
ZERO: - Yes, I do.
Windows: - And what do you want to say?
YZER: - Ok.
Not Ok. He said, "I can't find the files he needs!
There they are!
Windows: - Where?!
It's on the drive!
Which one?
User: - On B:.
Windows: - There is no such drive.
Why is it under DOS?!
Not my problem.
User: - But how to install drivers?
Windows: - But why do you need drivers? You don't even have a video card.
No way!
Windows: - That's for sure.
Do you have audio?
You don't have audio either.
What do you have?
There's a joystick.
I don't have a joystick.
Windows: - I know better.
And I was going to buy one.
You see? What would you do without me?
- Yes.
- There are files in that folder. Are you sure you want to delete them?
- Yes!
- Deleting these files could affect registered
programs. Are you still sure?
- Yes! Yes! Yes!!!
- These files can be used by the system. Are you sure?
- Fuck you - the admin yelled and pressed Calculus.
- Aha! Scared him! - Thought NT.
My daughter asks her mother:
- That's your daddy, daughter.
- Is he sick?
- No, he's hooked up to the internet.
The internet guy was asked:
- This is a woman-admin on the server of the Communist Party.
- Password!!! ...silence
- Password!!!! ...silence.
The programmer takes his machine gun off his shoulder... short burst...
- Usеr аnonуmous аssessеd.
Two system administrators meet and one asks
- Why are you so sad?
- The server went down yesterday.
- What, you still haven't "got it up"?
- I did, but it fell off the table...
A programmer goes to see an eye doctor. He sits him down opposite him
- Read it!
- "BLEEP"... Doctor, there's something wrong with your coding!
checkmate on the 15th move.
He hits the keyboard in a heartbeat:
- Damn Windows, it's glitching again.
bing-bang-bang...
One of them says:
- I met a girl at the disco! Unbelievable
girl! She's got a figure, she's got brains, she's a good dancer! So,
I decided to take her to my house. I invited her over.
she said yes. We went over there, had some wine, talked about this and that, listened to music.
this and that, listened to music. Then I kissed her, lifted her up.
gently, put my ass on the keyboard, lifted up her skirt...
The others:
- So you've got a computer at home?!? What kind?!?
The programmer's wife says to her husband:
- Honey, I want a baby!
- Get down, we'll install it!
Here comes his son:
- Daddy, why does the sun rise every day in the east
and sets in the west?
- Did you check it?
- I did.
- Did you check?
- I did.
- Is it working?
- It's working.
- Does it work every day?
- Yeah, every day.
- Then for God's sake, son, don't touch anything, don't change anything.
Two hackers talking on the bus:
- You know, there's something wrong with my pisu.
The whole bus gets alarmed.
- What's up?
- It hangs a lot.
- Maybe it's a bug.
- I checked. It's clean.
- How tight is it?
- It's tight, you can't help it with three fingers...
E-commerce
- How are you?
- Nothing, I opened a shop in a network, I earned twenty thousand virtual dollars in the first month.
- Virtual? I have not even seen such a thing!
- Me neither.
Just a good mood!!!!