Traders joking, the beginning - page 537

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In honor of its 40th anniversary, the movie “Jaws” is heading back to theaters later this month. Steven Spielberg was apparently sitting on his yacht recently and thought to himself, "I'm gonna need a bigger boat."

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The Christmas-themed town of North Pole, Alaska, has officially approved marijuana dispensaries. So don't expect your presents from Santa until next April.

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California is suffering from a terrible drought. But scientists have come up with a plan to convert toilet water into drinking water by a rigorous three-step purification process. That's all it takes to convert sewage into the water that I then drink? I wish they hadn't even told me how many steps they use.

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A small white guy gets into an elevator, when he gets in he notices a huge black dude standing next to him. The big dude looks down upon the small guy and says: "7 foot tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch dick, 3 pound left ball, 3 pound right ball, Turner Brown."

The small white guy faints! The big dude picks up the small guy, brings him to, slapping his face and shaking him, and asks the guy, "What's wrong?"

The small white guy says, "Excuse me but what did you say?"

The big dude looks down and says "7 foot tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch dick, 3 pound left ball, 3 pound right ball, my name is Turner Brown."

The small guy says, "Thank god, I thought you said 'Turn around.'"

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IKEA, the world's largest furniture retailer, pledged over $1 billion earlier today to help slow climate change. But knowing IKEA, it's probably going to take forever to put the money together.