[Archive c 17.03.2008] Humour [Archive to 28.04.2012] - page 590
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From the series "A smile makes everyone feel warm!"
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Fuck.
Turned the TV on, flipping through the channels. As soon as I get to TV3, there's a dude staring at me and yelling in a hysterical voice: "GRAA-A-Al! GRAA-A-AL!" I'm soaking in valerian)))
/ it turned out to be something about merlins or something.
Forex is a kind of Planet Pluck 215 in the tentura. Kin-dza-dza galaxy in a spiral. Okay?"
"Comrade, there's a man over there saying he's an alien, we gotta do something..."
From the series "A smile makes everyone feel warmer!"
Does it really warm you up? I doubt it. For me, for example, my soul responded with rejection.
>
Are you really warmed up? I doubt it. For me, for example, my soul responded with rejection.
Yeah, - I picked out the "retarded" smiles on purpose. This is a humor thread.
Yes - I picked out the 'retarded' smileson purpose. This is a YUMOR thread.
In light of the last post, I' ve been rev isiting all pictures...
However...!
Taxi dispatcher to customer:
"Come out in five minutes. There's a Mazda waiting for you, metallic blue."
Further from the words of the driver: A woman is coming out of the entrance.
Walks around the car two times, approaches the ajar window and asks "Are you the blue Vitalik? "
***
- What can I get Vadik, the guy's 20 years old?
- Depends what he's into.
- He's into dope!
- So give him some dope!
***
Two friends meet. One boasts:
- I bought myself such a cool car... Now I drive it, nobody stops me, I park for free everywhere, and what's more, as soon as I pull up, they give me the right of way...
The other one:
- What are you doing? Have you saved up for a Bugatti?
- No...
- What then?
- Tow truck...
***
I went to see an old acquaintance at work, in a large government office in the centre of
in the middle of St. Petersburg. And I had the urge, excuse me, to use the toilet, and I asked the friend about the location. I was told exactly what to do and got a completely inappropriate smile.
The bathroom setting explained everything. There is a urinal, a sink and a toilet cubicle, as well as a giant window from wall to wall, and almost from the floor, and the most beautiful thing is not even that the window is perfectly washed and transparent, but that the stall is arranged so that part of the wall facing the window is simply missing, and all the passers-by, ground floor, are initiated into the mysteries of natural needs. Not all, of course, but those who are not too tall, but still. Later a friend of mine told me that a few times they tried to mat and glue the window with a film, to which some supervisory office sent a paper saying that it, they say, disturbs the architecture and aesthetics of the monument of federal importance. Indeed, there are sculptures of boys peeing after all, why not a highly aesthetic toilet : -)
***
I saw a picture the other day. Standing in the supermarket car park, waiting for my wife. Opposite is a 99, a guy comes out of the shop with a bottle of beer, opens the car, gets behind the wheel, lights up, turns on the music and drinks beer. On the opposite side are cops. Seeing this, one of them approaches him and starts demanding a licence, explaining that he was drinking and driving. The guy gently tells them "I'm not driving and I'm not going to drive, so go to hell. ..." and goes on. The policeman flattens the front wheel and says: "until you give me your papers, you can't go! "A girl comes out of the market with two bags, opens the boot, puts the bags down, the guy hands her the keys and takes a seat in the passenger seat. The girl walks up to the policeman: "now pump up the tyre, asshole, or I'll call the prosecutor's office" and pulls out her phone. The driver's eyes are poked out and he starts muttering something about wanting to attract the driver, that he had been drinking, etc. A girl answered (10 BALLS!): "He's not the driver, he's my husband, he doesn't have a driver's licence at all, I drive the car and I own it". A driver gave us a pump, an old one, a hand pump and a pressure gauge as the lady of the car demanded it to be pumped properly. In short the entire car park was bursting with laughter while the policeman was going up and down and measuring the pressure. EVEN MY PARTNER LAUGHED AT HIM! And everyone applauded the girl STOP!!!
***
- Doctor, I need an effective weight loss remedy!
- No problem. I'll prescribe you some charcoal.
- In powders or pills?
- In sacks. You'll be unloading wagons!