[Archive c 17.03.2008] Humour [Archive to 28.04.2012] - page 396

New comment
 
 
 

The Jew gets out of the taxi and silently searches his pockets, muttering: 'Shit, I think I dropped 100 quid in the car...'.

When the taxi driver hears this, he presses the gas and runs off. The Jew looks after the car and says: 'Rabinovitch was right - it works!

 
 
After each flight, Qantas pilots fill out a special form, called a complaint sheet, in which they describe faults that occurred during the flight and need to be rectified. Engineers read the complaint sheet and rectify the problems, then write at the bottom of the sheet what measures have been taken so that the pilot can be informed before the next flight.
Below are a few actual complaints from Qantas pilots and the corresponding engineer's reports of action taken. It is worth noting that Qantas is the only airline amongst many which has not yet had a single crash.
(P - problem described by the pilot)
(R is the decision taken by the engineers)
___________________

P: The main inner left wheel almost needs replacing.
R: Main inner left wheel almost replaced.

P: Trial flight is OK, except for too hard automatic landing.
R: This model does not have an automatic landing system.

R: Something in the cockpit is loose.
R: Something in the cockpit is taut.

P: The autopilot in altitude maintenance mode gives a drop of 200 pounds per minute.
R: Unable to reproduce the problem on the ground.

P: I suspect there is a crack in the glass.
R: I suspect you are correct.

P: The DO reading is too high.
R: The DO readings are set to a more plausible level.

P: The friction pads are hitting the throttle grips.
R: That's what they are there for.

P: The radar system is not working.
R: The radar system never works in the OFF position.

P: Signs of wear and tear in main starboard landing gear.
R: Signs have been eliminated.

R: Third engine is missing.
R: Third engine found under right wing after brief search.

R: Aircraft behaving strangely.
R: Aircraft warned to be obedient, fly normally and not misbehave.

R: Radar is grumbling.
R: The radar has been reprogrammed to make different sounds.

R: A mouse in the cockpit.
R: A cat has been launched into the cockpit.

R: Dead bugs on the windshield.
R: We've already ordered fresh ones.

P: There's unbelievable noise in the headphones!
R: The noises are taken to more likely.

P: Knocking in the cockpit like a man's hammer.
R: The hammer has been taken away from the man.

P: A lot of flies in the cabin.
R: Flies counted - the number corresponds.

R: The cockpit is dirty - no good for pigs!
R: Cockpit cleaned - good for pigs.

R: Three cockroaches on the dashboard.
R: One killed, one wounded, one managed to escape.
___________________
 

===============

 
Oh, dear! This model does not have an automatic landing system.
 

I like these:

П: Фрикционные колодки задевают ручки газа.
Р: Именно для этого они там и установлены.

П: Не работает радиолокационная система.
Р: Радиолокационная система никогда не работает в положении OFF.

 
Integer:

I like these:


It's probably all a bit like a correspondence between the customer and the programmer
 

Continuing the theme: Communication between customer and contractor

designer wrote: let's do it now

gs wrote: yes, send it then
designer wrote: maybe we should use the word "you", it's uncomfortable
gs wrote: yes, sure )
designer wrote: super
designer wrote: you horse **fucker
designer wrote: oops
designer wrote: sorry
designer wrote: wrong window
designer wrote: honestly not you
gs wrote: I thought this was a sudden change from you to you ))
designer wrote: second time in my life
gs wrote: come on, it's ok :)
designer wrote: my colleague and i are having a business conversation
designer wrote: he has no time to meet the deadline
gs wrote: I guess so ))
1...389390391392393394395396397398399400401402403...847
New comment