[Archive c 17.03.2008] Humour [Archive to 28.04.2012] - page 188

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xxx: I decided to learn how to knit one day. Crochet. xxx: It was such a meditative thing to do, and hours flew by.
xxx: and it was so meditative, it made the hours fly by. xxx: such a meditative thing to do, this activity made the hours fly by.
xxx: I was, of course, expecting some kind of reaction from people around me, watching this 30-year-old computer programmer of considerable size with a stubble, but the blow came from an unexpected side
xxx: 22.04, Moscow-Zelenograd train. Two hooligans sit opposite me and begin to retort about life in an appropriate dialect. Shaved, with semen - classic. And one of them stares at my knitting the whole way. And I'm at this time upset that the yarn, sh..., thick - not the size of the hook, and the loops have to pull :(
xxx: anyway, after half an hour, one of their shaved politely so touches his hand: "Hey, brother... You should have a hook not three and a half, but a four - what are you suffering from....
xxx: I'm fucking shocked.
 
CONNECT: Look, maybe we're related.
ALEXA: You think?
Well, maybe we're distant. What was your mother's maiden name?
ALEXA: *enco.
CONNECT: Oh, you got eight new letters.)
ALEXA: What do you mean?
 
polinagromova: I decided to please my pancake lover. I took the persuasion of the masters at the salon and got an intimate haircut. That is not waxing, namely that the haircut. A flower! With rhinestones. In short, as a result, he could not get it up, he started laughing hysterically and said he could not do it with a flowerbed :( I'm sitting, peel off the rhinestones
 
I bought dumplings at the shop, came home, threw them on the table, didn't put them in the fridge, got distracted. I sat on the Internet and it was time to eat. Came into the kitchen and there on the table was one big megapelmeni... They've defrosted... And I'm hungry... I took a rolling pin, rolled the amorphous mass out onto a baking tray, piled some cheese and sausage on top, chopped up some tomatoes and put them in the oven.

Guys! This is the tastiest, most satisfying pizza I've ever had in my life.
 
Eugene: Vilnius is divine! At 4 a.m. I sat in the middle of the road and yelled in a bad voice that I wasn't going anywhere from here. The police arrived, put two cones around me and drove off...
 
XXX: they wouldn't let me in the pool yesterday!!!
XXX: said with a kayak - fuck off
 
Dr_Mebius A few years ago my office was turned into a training ground. There were studs screwed into the wall at different heights and bars nailed to the floor. The task of the robot was to measure the studs, prepare a plywood panel (drill holes of the right diameters), hang the panel on the studs and screw them down with nuts.

We debugged the programme for a month. When we commissioned it to the customer, he had prepared a test on the testing ground: one of the studs had been screwed in at an angle. When I noticed it, I trembled: what would happen? Will he guess to make the hole larger in diameter? My programmer (I pray to him) only smiled. When the machine got to the crooked stud, it uttered: "here's the cyka...", screwed a nut on the stud and straightened it with a hammer. The Japanese were swooning. They said they didn't ask for a car with "Russian" intelligence. Nevertheless, the job was accepted.
 
I saw someone's spurs from the uni window today... Scrawled on garage doors :D
 
xxx: it's a long story, and I should start by saying I have diarrhoea!
yyy: come on!
xxx: oh... Evgeny Viktorovich, sorry, that's not for you :-[.
yyy: no way! you're intriguing - now tell me.
 
1: While Slavik went for a smoke, we taught him Outlaw Old Slavonic ))
2: How's that? )
1: They turned on his auto-swapped list=switch, to=to, and there's verily, for, etc. Just don't make it obvious.)
1: He was very surprised when he got the letter containing the phrase ". Therefore I'm sending you all a scroll of free I.P.'s, don't forget!" he got a reply like "Cheers, boyar! A messenger hasn't come with the scroll yet" ))
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