[Archive c 17.03.2008] Humour [Archive to 28.04.2012] - page 795

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moskitman:

A father says to his married son:
- And remember, son, after you register the bride, you have to activate her!
- What's that?
- What do you mean, "enter the key"!
****

Very good )))))

I'm getting married in a month.

Thanks for the good advice ))))

 
****
o statistics, 99% of men will kick a ball that rolls over their foot.
Unfortunately, the Russian national football team is in the remaining 1%.
****
xxx: What do you work as?
woo: Bodyguard...
xxx: Cool.... where?
uuu: Bodyguard...
****
- How could you sleep with Natasha, she's ugly!
- And strong...
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- I want to go on the ferris wheel! - It's scary, don't look away.
****
Buyer:
- "The egg is selected." Who was it taken from?
The seller:
- Chickens, of course.
- Didn't they fight back?
- The ones that did resist are for sale in the next department.
****
GASOLINE PRICE FORMATION
1. When the price of oil goes up, it is clear that since gasoline is made from oil, the price of gasoline must go up too.
2. When oil prices fall, the oil companies have to raise petrol prices to compensate for the drop in revenue from oil prices.
3. When oil prices are stable, gasoline prices go up because inflation.
****
The snake that bit Nikolai Valuev, seeing his gaze, sucked the venom back in.
****
I was into photography as a kid, but then my mum hid it.
****
 
 
- What could be more disgusting than biting into an apple and finding a worm in it?
- To bite into an apple and find half a worm in it.
 
The intercom is a great thing! While the husband is climbing the stairs, his wife has time to turn off the computer and TV, tie an apron, put down the receiver ...and stands there, poor thing, washing the dishes....
 
moskitman: Turns off the computer and the TV, ties her apron, puts down the phone ...and stands there, poor thing, washing the dishes....
That's five!
 
Mathemat:
That one's five!

Stirlitz saw a painter walking around the streets and painting all the obscene words on the walls of houses.
- Moderator," thought Stirlitz.
 
Kondratiev_A_A:

Stirlitz saw a painter walking the streets and painting all the obscene words on the walls of houses.
- Moderator," thought Stirlitz.

It's 5+ !!!!! :))))
 

Quote from Ekaterina Velikina, "50 & 1 stories from the life of my husband's wife"

So, my young friend, of course you know she has boobs, pangs and migraines, but that's no reason for lifelong slavery. We don't get bonuses for being unhealthy, so here we go.

The phrase "I'm tired" will crumble like a house of cards if you just ask one simple question, which is: "Darling, tell me, what exactly have you been doing?" I'll let you in on a terrible secret: female fatigue may well be for sale in magic shops between an aura camera and a protoplasm container. Why? Quite simply. If you strip away the metaphysics and introduce the term "physical fatigue", everything immediately falls into place.
Wagons loaded? No.
Paving asphalt? No.
Worked as a gelding on a gravel hauler? No.

What? Just cleaned the flat? Don't make your socks laugh, they've got a hard enough time as it is. Cleaning a two-bedroom flat takes exactly two (capitalised - two) hours (three if with the laying out). Tales of how "in blood and sweat I washed your corners all day long" are essentially a tale for the blissful. No, I, for example, can scrub a kitchen for half a day if I want to. The key word is "desire." My desire. You don't really care if your sink shines or not. You'd rather have a cutlet and go to bed. You see the cunning? Yeah, that dyed-up bitch spends half her day scrubbing the sink and fantasizing about gang rape, and the other half of the day bitching about her inhuman exhaustion in your face. How's that feel?
 

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