[Archive c 17.03.2008] Humour [Archive to 28.04.2012] - page 395
You are missing trading opportunities:
- Free trading apps
- Over 8,000 signals for copying
- Economic news for exploring financial markets
Registration
Log in
You agree to website policy and terms of use
If you do not have an account, please register
A bunny was dumped by his mistress.
-She-bee-bee-bee-bee! - the bunny thought.
***
- God, send me a normal man! With money. It's not like I'm asking you to lower the price of gasoline.
***
The father takes his son to the toilet:
- You can basically judge a man by what he reads on the toilet. Look, it's my fifth time rereading War and Peace, Mum - Anna Karenina, Grandpa - Gulag Archipelago by Solzhenitsyn! What do you read anyway? Cheap, thin pamphlets of stupid jokes for ten rubles. What does that tell you?
- That, Daddy, constipation should be treated instead of being proud of it!
***
In the middle of the show, a spectator jumps up in the stalls and shouts:
- Is there a doctor in the audience?! Is there a doctor?! !
An answer from the balcony:
- Yes, what happened?
- Isn't it a hell of a premiere, colleague?!
***
The wife says to her husband:
- Do you know that our daughter-in-law is out?
- That's her problem.
- But she's cheating on our son!
- That's his problem.
- But she's cheating with you!
- That's my problem.
- What about me?
- That's your problem.
***
Him: Send me a picture.
She: Nope.)
Him: Well then describe yourself in words.
I'll tell you what you describe, I'll describe it to you.
It's a deal!
Go ahead.
Him: - Boobs, size zero... Now you.
She: - You're an asshole! ))
He: - Mademoiselle, you are in violation of the deal.
She: 5.
He: - That's it, it's not interesting without a picture.
- Look, what is globalisation?
- How can I explain it to you... It's when you watch a German porno on Japanese TV where two Negroes are fucking a French woman who speaks Ukrainian for some reason...
***
- Darling, soon we'll live in the expensive flat you wanted!
- You bought a flat in a luxury building?
- No, we got a rent increase...
>
A traffic policeman stops the driver:
- Why are you driving without a seatbelt?
Driver:
- Aren't you excited?
***
-Doctor, do I really have cancer?
-Really...
-Doctor, am I gonna die?
-Fuck! Of course you are.
- Listen, what is globalisation?
......
***
- Listen, what is globalisation?
......
***
- Darling, soon we'll live in an expensive flat, just like you wanted!
.....
Why did you tell the first joke twice?
Or do you think you can't get it right once? ( - like the Baden-Baden joke...)
Why did you tell the first joke twice?
Or do you think you won't get it right once? ( - like the Baden-Baden joke...)
An Opera glitch - for some reason it doesn't always work to insert text via the context menu. On other sites it works like clockwork. Here, I have to stomp on the keyboard :)
Norwegian web designer has collected one million giraffes
The giraffe-collecting drive began after Helland bet his friend Jorgen that he could collect a million copies of anything by the beginning of 2011. In doing so, the friends agreed that the collection would take place on the Web.
As the Norwegian web designer explained, in the end it was decided to collect giraffes, as there isn't a single person who can't draw this animal. "People always depict giraffes in different ways and get excited when they draw them," Helland noted. The web designer also noted that the giraffe is his favourite animal.
The One Million Giraffes website was launched as a way to collect giraffes and those who noticed the campaign began sending in images of giraffes.
Since its launch, not only have the animals been drawn, but also images of giraffes made of bread, banana, felt, wood, plasticine, paper clips, candy and more.
Ola Helland thanked everyone involved in his art project, which was the result of a dispute with a friend. At the same time, the web designer noted that the site will continue to exist even though he was able to collect the number of giraffes needed to win the dispute. One Million Giraffes will continue to accept images of the Norwegian web designer's favourite animal - anyone can send in their version of the giraffe.
"Jørgen was wrong," reads the caption on the website. "I can tell my grandchildren about it and will do so until they hate my story," promises Ola Helland.