Humour - page 184

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- Young lady, may I meet you?
- Are you stoned again, son?!

***

The son approaches his mother:
- Mum, aren't we having breakfast?
- I'm going to fry your eggs...
- Maybe you'll break my leg, too.

***

At the glass recycling center:
- Say, do you take whiskey bottles?
- No, sir!
 
To all those who fear the end of the world... Don't be a pussy! December 22nd is Energy Man's Day.
They'll plug everything back in!
 
From the life of a service technician.
I was sitting in the service waiting room one day, a girl, about 13-14 years old, a child, without makeup, with bears on her jacket, a big bag, but it was pink... I thought it was the Walkman again, but there it was:
- Excuse me, are you a programmer?
What user doesn't call an engineer a programmer? Whether it's an assembler or a coder, they're all programmers. And here's a kid. Well, I'm a programmer by inertia:
- Programmer. What's up with you?
The girl sadly opens her bag, takes out her laptop, sighs, turns it on, clicks something quickly... I'm getting curious. She whispers something, clicks the same way, stops, and turns the laptop screen towards me...
Next thing you just have to see: Service, baby this, Asus laptop, C code on the screen and the sad phrase of that creature with the big eyes:
- It won't compile...
I, stunned at zero, start parsing the code.
 
Turkmen President Gurbanguly Myalikgulyevich Berdymukhamedov visited Iceland's Eyjafjallajökull volcano, causing a wave of suicides among news programme ditters.
 

Worshiping Copypaste

In Sweden, the Missionary Church of Copyism, whose members sacred acts are copying information, sharing knowledge and file-sharing networks, is officially recognised as a religion. The sacred symbols of this new religion are the key combinations Ctrl+C ("copy" operation) and Ctrl+V ("paste"). On 28 April 2012, the first wedding was held by a copyist priest whose face was covered by a Guy Fawkes mask and whose voice was distorted by a modulator.

 
A New Year's Eve party in the kindergarten. There were not enough Father Christmas costumes for all the groups, so one of the parents had to dress up as Death.
A little kid is sitting by the tree and a dude in a Death costume with a black hood and a scythe comes up to him. The frightened little boy, crawling slowly out of his chair, whispers:
- Santa Claus! I've been good all year, I've done everything my parents asked me to do. You seem to have the wrong information about me...
- Boy, don't mess with my head! Come on, get up on that chair and tell me a poem.
The boy slowly, shaking, crawls to the stool:
- Our Father! Our Father, who art in heaven...
 
 
 
Studies have shown that 658,476,253 out of 834,572,873 people are too lazy to read these numbers...
 
1...177178179180181182183184185186187188189190191...388
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