[Archive c 17.03.2008] Humour [Archive to 28.04.2012] - page 651
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The country must know its heroes!!!
The country should know its heroes!!!
"Vasya was here" - are you writing everywhere you have to?
In "Humour", here you are....((((
A visual agitation
=====================
The flat of a deputy of the Ukhryupinsk City Duma was burglarised. According to the deputy, nothing was missing from his apartment. But his wife was robbed of $2 million.
***
The Bible teaches us to love our neighbor. The Kama Sutra explains how. The notebook tells you who. And the organizer reminds you when.
***
Linguists have managed to find the origins of the word "SEX". It turns out that the acronym stands for: "Agreed, If, Sure,
You can!"
***
Yesterday I repeated Newton's experiment with dropping an apple on my head. Instead of apples I used pickled cucumbers, instead of an apple tree I used a balcony on the fifth floor.
It has been established that the thoughts expressed by passers-by after being hit on the head with a pickle are of no value to science.
***
- Honey, I want a fur coat!
- Eat the vinaigrette...
The country should know its heroes!!!
This story made me laugh :)
We are sitting in a long general meeting at our boss's house and we are "warming up" a big new project.
The boss's phone rang and he apologised, saying that it was a business partner, probably something urgent...
(
- What's wrong?
...
- I used to have a slow start too, but for the last week, it's been a blast. You put the pedal to it, it should start.
...
- No, it's got to be gas, I put 20 litres in it myself, three months ago at the most.
...
- Come on, changing the brake pads is a bourgeoisie, why don't we put summer tyres on it...? We'll get by without wipers, but we should wash it... All right, call me when you get it started. All hugs.
The chief put the phone down and saw all of us with our faces stretched out and tense.
He realized that in a nutshell he had to explain such a strange phone conversation and smiled and said:
- It was my neighbour Slavik, we had bought together an old Zhigul and he could not start it today. He started it every day, but today he couldn't start it... Now, where were we...?
I wish he hadn't explained anything at all. What old Zhigul? What stock-raising? Our boss has three cars and none of them is cheaper than $100,000 and older than two years. We also heard about Slavik, he eats a new Zhigul in a restaurant during lunch, why would they need an old one, and even for a hoarding...? And most importantly - why are brake pads a bargain!!!
We looked around, waiting for someone to pop up and say, "Smile, you're being filmed by a hidden camera!!!"
The boss noticed everyone's confusion, frowned and suddenly giggled merrily like a child. Laughing himself off, he said:
- "This Zhigul really makes me look like an out of my mind Plyushkin...
Don't worry, I'm still very much awake. It's not a car, it's a garage. I usually live in the countryside, but sometimes I sleep in a city flat and there in our courtyard is such a mass of cars that it's unreal to park, but in the corner of the house between the flowerbeds there is a little pocket for two cars across, but everyone was afraid to go there, or else someone will lock up, so I offered Slavik to buy "Zhigul" not to ride, but to stand. In short - a gate with a motor. He always covers the place by the pocket. When one of us arrives home, he drives our "old lady" away, puts his car in the pocket and covers the "Zhigul" back. So Slavik and I are ardent patriots of the products of our car industry, he guards the place during the day and guards against thieves at night.
...I was convinced once again: what is an insoluble problem for an ordinary person, is just a charge for the mind for a wise one...