[Archive c 17.03.2008] Humour [Archive to 28.04.2012] - page 793
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It's been a 'hot' day, smile!
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- I have a bottle of Russian Vodka, will you?
- I'll pour you one!!!
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The two cousins meet:
- These Americans are perverts, they have sex with the lights on.
- Why perverts? My wife and I tried it, it's great, you should try it, you'll like it.
Two weeks later.
- Have you tried it?
- Yeah, it's great. My wife loves it. And what fun for the kids.
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Doctor prescribes medicine to a patient, the patient:
- Write a note saying I'm an idiot.
- What for?
- I don't think they should prescribe $8,000 worth of runny nose drops without such a certificate.
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A father says to his married son:
- And remember, son, after you register the bride, you have to activate her!
- What's that?
- What do you mean, "enter the key"!
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Why do some men wear an earring in their left ear and others in their right?
- Let me explain. Queers wear it in their left ear and queers wear it in their right ear.
Wait! What's the difference between gay men and faggots?
- I'll explain. Queer people wear an earring in their left ear and pederasts in their right ear.
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A man walked up to a girl who was eating candy and said, 'Girl, do you know that eating candy is bad for you? You will get fat and your teeth will be yellow.
-My grandfather lived to be 106 years old.
-What, did he eat candy every day? -No.
-No, he minded his own business.
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- What happens if I get the password to your e-mail? - You'll get an e-mail from me.
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At an institute, a professor at an exam asks a student a question:
- Tell me, what function does the muscle MUSCULUS GREAMASTER have?
Student:
- Professor, it is the muscle that lifts the scrotum.
Professor:
- Right. What else does it do?
Student:
- I'm not exactly sure, but if it's pinched by a door, it bulges its eyes, opens its mouth and makes its cords scream in an inhuman voice!
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A medical school professor at a lecture:
- A man has no sign of losing his virginity except his cheeky, satisfied face...
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Phrase of the girl who put the whole car service down: - "I don't have a light bulb on when I'm kicking ass".
The receptionist's response, which left everyone lying on the spot: - "I see, but what's wrong with the car? "
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out of habit to watch the news on TV at least once a week, it turns out that you can watch the news at any time you like
caution profanity: https: //www.youtube.com/watch?v=xVxvwL2SgLQ&feature=related