[Archive c 17.03.2008] Humour [Archive to 28.04.2012] - page 171
You are missing trading opportunities:
- Free trading apps
- Over 8,000 signals for copying
- Economic news for exploring financial markets
Registration
Log in
You agree to website policy and terms of use
If you do not have an account, please register
Awesome story. I read somewhere that if like a dorm socket through, you can unscrew and connect 220 volts DC from your side and plug it into your neighbour's contacts. Irons, electric stoves and electric kettles work, but electric motors burn. A recorder will burn out too :)
P.S.
I used to live in an apartment - my neighbour used to turn the tape recorder up to full volume at night too - I had to build a neighbour.
Variable.
"...spin it up and plug it in..."
You mean powering up from a neighbour so that the meter is not running at my place, but at my neighbour's ?
That's an interesting idea...
As the classics say: "We are not bourgeois, we burn electricity for nothing..." (12 Chairs, Ilf & Petrov)
Variable.
No - DC. Recorder motors run on alternating current. If direct current is applied to their input, the winding will heat up and burn out. An ordinary diode rectifier can be used for this.
No - DC. The motors of tape recorders run on alternating current. If you put DC current into their input, the winding will heat up and burn out.
All their lives, tape recorder motors have been powered by DC from an internal power supply or batteries, but record players have been powered by AC
ZS: The PSU transformer will burn out and that's it.
DC motors (DCT, collector motors) can also run on AC power. But that's just for the sake of theory :)
You mean powering from a neighbour, so that the meter is not running at my place, but at my neighbour's ? That's an interesting idea...
I know someone who has done it that way.
All their lives tape recorder motors were powered by DC from a built-in PSU or batteries, but record players were powered by AC
ZS: The PSU transformer will burn out and that's it.
Ahem. At the time of this story, all stationary tape recorders were powered by AC motors like EDGs and KDs. Constants came later, in portable combi-powered tape recorders, then in high-end tape recorders with electronic speed stabilisation.
To be fair, the motors were still powered from the secondary winding of the mains transformer, and the question of who would burn out first remains open. The transformer was more difficult to find and replace than the motor.
Don't break off all sorts of parts (spoilers and other bumpers) and smash optics - there'll be nothing but wild anger and a police hitch in the yard.
You should not shove matches into keyholes - it is vulgar and smells of a village.
There is a better way!
Don't take your windscreen wipers off - if you get caught, you'll also be accused of ridiculous theft.
No need to slash the tyres - it's evil, unoriginal and, besides, you never know when that prick will be able to remove his car from under the windows.
No spray-painting or marker-painting your car. If you want to write a three-letter word, write it on your forehead.
But what can you do? - You may ask... Hehe! Observe! Listen and absorb!!!!!
Method Zero.
Zero means the simplest, most trivial, but effective. You don't like your neighbour's car under your window? Sell it! And it doesn't matter that you don't own it. The main thing - know the phone number of the owner of a tachka and at least the make of car (colour, I think you can discern without my help). You take a coupon from "Iz Ruk v Ruki" or any other similar newspaper and fill it out. For example: "sell the car VAZ-2106, colour "beige boa", in excellent condition, the price of $ 150. And enter the phone number of a neighbour to answer. Take the coupon to the post - and you can be sure, within a week after the publication of the newspaper your neighbour will be over the moon.
First method
Your neighbour always drives his candybar to your yard at 3 a.m. blasting "Legs Down!" music and park the car with a loud bleeping, thus bringing the entire house to their feet. The following simple recipe works very well for such peasants. You buy ten or three small cheap firecrackers and then they consistently jammed into muffler (preferably with some stick to stick them into resonator - otherwise they will be blown out by exhaust, but only just). The car starts, starts, temperature in a muffler grows gradually... The effect (especially in domestic cars) is thunderous.
WARNING!!! The muffler can burst, and then, if they find out that you did it, they will tear it apart. The method is extreme and only suitable as a "last resort".
The second, third, fourth and fifth methods are interrelated.
One buys some (depending on goals) quantity of superglue - with its help, one may do many useful things with neighbour's car. There are only four variants, the rest is up to you.
Superglue is poured into car keyholes in as much quantity as possible - the owner takes a long time to understand why his key doesn't fit anymore.
Wipers are glued with superglue (no comment).
A happy owner of a spoiler gets a disposable cup, a plate, a fork and a knife glued on this very spoiler. Beer is poured into the glass and watermelon is laid on the plate. Nice and aesthetically pleasing.
AHTUNG! The last method from this category is good for domestic cars, in which the cap of a fuel tank is not closed with a key. Screw the cap, smeared thread with superglue. Screw the cap back on. All right, here we go.
The egg method is six, seven and eight.
I can tell you a lot about eggs. For instance, I once read in a magazine called "Capital City" - there used to be such a cool print - this is the winter method. In thirty-degree frost, you take an egg (possibly rotten) and throw it on the car roof. It breaks there, freezes, of course, and in spring comes off together with paint. So, goodbye, then, to your roof.
If you feel pity for a roof, you may poo inside a car. An egg (only fresh!) is sucked into usual medical syringe and pushed inside the car under upholstery. It will dry out in about three-four days, and you have to either sell the car or, at least, change seats. At least, it will be critically impossible to drive in this car.
And the last method with an egg is for lucky people, who have access to the engine. You unscrew the neck on a cover of the engine, in which oil is poured, and pour an egg there (without a shell). The engine starts and runs fine for about half an hour, after that it's 70% likely to seize up. The diagnosis at any service station is "er... you've got this... "You've got mineral oil... How long has it been changed? Well, it's clogged up. You'll have to buy another engine." Again, the last way is "extreme", as it is not a joke any more, but really a big bastard.
Ways the ninth and tenth - for artistically gifted people.
So, to begin with Vaseline is taken, as this delicate substance is rumoured to be a favourite of sex minorities, but it does not matter now. Vaseline is taken and smeared thickly on door handles of a driver and possible passengers. The method is essentially harmless, but rumour has it that it is very loud (the victim screams so that you can call out the saints). Vaseline will not ruin anything, but it will not wash off so easily.
The next artistic method is also very simple: we take gouache and paint over the same door handles in black. This is called "chimney sweep hands". Gouache is disgusting to wash off. By the way, it is pleasant to smear with it windscreen wipers (it is possible to do it in red - it looks as knocked down granny) or simply a cowl (the word from three letters is not offered).
Method eleven
It is necessary a canister of old oil (it can turn out in a nearest car-care centre). Take it and quietly pour out content under a neighbour's car. Half an hour of "Yak - fighter" pantomime is ensured, in which a neighbour will search a source of oil leakage under a car (it is terrible to start an engine, but what if it bumps, without oil).
Ways twelfth and thirteenth - shallow
We take a roll of thick fishing line and reel as much as possible a bumper of a victim's car to a bumper of one car standing nearby. Wrap two cars with fishing line, in short. If at least one of the bumpers doesn't come off, at least the fishing line will slam loudly.
The other method requires a flathead screwdriver. Twist plate from two neighboring cars (only one plate from each car, otherwise the sense of joke disappears) and swap places. It's funny when a car has a front number plate of 50rub and a rear number plate of 99rub! Do you think so too? Yes, and cops (their bin traffic police) think so too.
Ways fourteenth and fifteenth, and also sixteenth - dacha-village and, in general, spiteless
It is known that there is nothing to do at night in a country house. And there is so much nothing to do, that people go for different perverted entertainments.
For instance, they cut big branches from roadside bushes. From them with the help of pieces of rope they make sheaves, which, roughly speaking, make rolled bundles of branches that can stand vertically. The sheaves are exposed in the middle of the road and... One has only to wait. As a rule, in the light of nighttime headlights the sheaves look like a forest growing right in the middle of the highway. A great way to get drivers NOT to sleep!
Another nice feature: you take a piece of kapron thread, wax it, stretch it across the motorway. In high beam, it looks like a thick rope.
Panic in the ranks of the drivers is guaranteed.
The last dacha trick is called "rocket", or "fire whirlwind". It is made so: in the middle of highway smouldering head just out of fire is knocked on asphalt. The asphalt is thus covered in dark embers, resembling pebbles, which flash and swirl in the airflow from a passing car. It's super cool.
Methods seventeenth and eighteenth are the crappiest.
Put shit on your neighbour's windscreen wiper and smear it. What could be easier and more enjoyable?
And the last method - it is not even a way of westernization, in general, but a simple case. But it is from life.
Comes to one good service in Moscow a guy with "FORD-Probe" with automatic transmission not working properly. He says: "Hey, guys, look what is what. Well, in such situation it is necessary to disassemble the box, you just cannot diagnose it. Anyway, the whole service spent a day disassembling the box. They found the failure. They announced to the car's owner: this and that is broken, the repair costs this much. He gets mad - no, I won't give him any money, he says: assemble it in the way it was and don't get any money for the consultation too. The service staff did some thinking, decided not to make a fuss and... they put the box back together in a day. But when they did, they put some decent stuff in it... yeah, yeah, yeah, decent shit. A man gets in his Ford, drives around, he's all right. But when the box heats up, there's a horrible smell going through the cabin, like someone's... You know. A man looks at his boots (maybe he got into it?) or opens the door (did he run over with a wheel?) - but to no avail. And the smell goes on and on. So, a week later I sold my crap (in the true sense of the word) Ford - I could not see him any more. And why? Greed, of course, is to blame!
BUT! It's not that simple.
Well, this is all the funny things with cars that I could remember. Create, as they say, invent, try. But at the same time, know a measure and do not get caught by good auto owners. Shitting for nothing is an occupation for bastards. But getting revenge on a jerk is our way. So don't do nasty things to normal people. Good luck.
1. tools: flat-tipped pliers, 4 bolts secrets + wrench, night
Execution:
unscrew one bolt from each wheel, replace with your secrets, tighten firmly, throw away the wrench.
Let the wheels down to a half (it is difficult to border in consequence) crush nipples with pliers.
In the morning, you will see sabre-rattling, no chance to drive, no chance to change wheels or on-boarding....
And I wish you not to do harm to good people because you will be rewarded for what you have done:)
2.
Pour grits or breadcrumbs on the bonnet or roof of the target car. While the car is parked, sparrows and pigeons will cover the bonnet and roof with small scratches from their claws and beaks. The car may have to be repainted....
3.
Hang barn door locks on handles as on 9 cars and throw the keys away, they will not saw with a bolt, they will shit all over the car and use a jigsaw...
4.
And if you pour valerianka on the car, then you can not get rid of all the yard cats that come to eat your favorite tool:).
5.
A handful of toner on the roof (you can waste), washed very lousy, and if hot water, vaasche never!!!!