[Archive c 17.03.2008] Humour [Archive to 28.04.2012] - page 122
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Knowledge is power!
Do you know what happens when there are five grown men and one part-time student in the same dorm room? You don't know? What if it's a mining crew and it's at the height of Gorbachev's prohibition? You don't know either? And even the Amur region with its winter frost of forty degrees below zero Celsius does not give you an idea? All right then, I'll have to tell you.
The most disgusting and offensive thing in life is when you are deprived of your usual things, and the usual thing in this room of the mine dormitory, as well as in other rooms of other dormitories, was heavy drinking. After working their shifts, the men would always buy alcohol, drink it, play cards and tell jokes. The anti-alcohol campaign wiped out this pastime, so five blokes were lying on their beds cursing the times and the "sword man". Only the part-time student was busy with work, he was sitting at the table with books, absorbed in knowledge against the background of the approaching session. It is clear that the others were nervous, and maybe even not nervous, but they just needed a scapegoat, someone on whom they could vent their anger over a failed life. Hence the talk:
- You, Seryoga, are studying, maybe you want to become clever, and look Mikhalych (site commander), I think he has two higher educations, and he is a dull boy!
- Really, Seryoga, why the fuck do you need this knowledge? You can't spread it on bread and pour it in a glass! You'll be a master, you'll only lose your salary, and all the bumps will be on you!
- But really, everything you teach, is it applicable in life?
Seryoga the student, already realizing that today he will not be allowed to sit quietly at his books, looked round the discussants with a muddy thought-provoking look.
- Is it applicable? Yes, how applicable! Would you like a drink?
Hearing the word 'a drink' their Adam's apple twitched like automatic bolts.
- Sergey, don't put pressure on a sore spot, we're not asking you for the absence of a drink, but for the truth.
- I'm serious, do you want a drink?
A minute's silence was his answer. Of course, humanity always hopes for a miracle, but such miracles do not happen, and Sergei climbed into his bedside table, rattling there and muttering:
- You say I don't need physics and chemistry, but I'll show you why, you'll understand that knowledge is power! - He was snatching a bottle of the true man's cologne "Chypre" from the nightstand and muttering.
Seeing the cologne in his hands the men grudgingly murmured.
- You got completely nuts, Seryoga, why do you take us for cripples, we have plenty of our own cologne, but we are not going to drink it!
- Sure you will, take two cans and come with me, but put some clothes on, because it's minus forty-five outside today.
Uncle Vasya who did not understand anything and then all others hurriedly put on binders and followed Sergey. And Seryoga took a crowbar hanging on the street wall and started his laboratory exercises.
One end of the crowbar was dipped into a jar, and on the other end he began to pour out in a thin stream the cologne he had seized. Then the jars swapped places and the procedure was repeated. After five runs Sergei put the jar with the rest of the liquid under Uncle Vasya's nose.
- Guys, this is alcohol and it does not smell of cologne, - he grumbled.
Everybody sniffed it, tasted it on their tongues, quacked and admired it. Five minutes later there was a rustling in the drawers. The jar was exchanged for a basin, and the crowbar for a powerful I-beam, dragged from somewhere on the construction site - the process went on. Within a week he had bought up all the perfume in the shop and the method of distillation had reached the industrial level. Seryoga was in charge. As soon as he had a free minute, the brigade would insist that he went to enrich his knowledge. That was the way it was said:
- Go and read something, Seryoga, knowledge is power!enema
The case was in a hospital. The poisoned students decided to have a gastroscopy. First the victim is given an enema (a glass pipette with a rubber tube and a container), then forced to endure increasing urges for five minutes, then to the toilet and finally into the paws of the doctor.
The nurse gave Grisha an enema, waited for five minutes (Grisha was still patient), and then she saw that the tip of the glass enema dropper broke off. I looked on the floor - it wasn't there. Conclusion - it had broken off in the ass.
I rushed to the doctor to the Vietnamese (Grisha had been suffering from the last strength). The doctor, having understood the essence of the problem, made his fatal mistake. He forgot that Grisha was gurgling water! The decision he made was probably medically correct, but not in this case.
The doctor drove Grisha, who was writhing (he thought he was in pain), onto the treatment table, put him on the table and peered into his anus, professionally spreading Grisha's buttocks with his hands and said: Come on, push harder. As the nurses later recounted, the power of the volley was such that had it not been for the doctor, who had blocked the firing sector, they would have had to clean out the window. The sound accompaniment was deafening.
Grisha, with lightness in his body and heaviness in his soul, swiftly left the scene of the disaster. The last thing he saw was standing in the middle of the treatment room, shitting himself all over, repeating like a spell: Alcohol! Alcohol! and the nurses shuddering with laughter, unsuccessfully trying to get cotton wool and alcohol. There were no more treatments that day....
Knowledge is power!
//////, Seryoga, read something, knowledge is power!
Exit.... and you're trying to cram so much into your posts, cheers-but haven't read the ick-but not my volume today, learn to be concise....
I'm happy to wish you a Happy New Year,
And I send my greetings from Leningrad to you all,
That at midnight you all hold your glasses,
And not in your damp graves.
Tanya R. (6th grade)
Выходной.... а Вы пятаитесь так много впендюрить в свои посты, чесно не читал, не мой сегодня объем, учитесь лаконичности....
It's not like anyone is forcing you to - I'm sharing something interesting. What you do with it is up to you :)
Дык ни кто же не заставляет - я поделился интересным. А что с этим Вам делать - Ваше дело :)
Thanks, but it seems to me that we should take into account the topics of the forum: Market and Programming.
Otherwise, the sense is lost, because there are already a lot of sites with bikes. We need to filter them.
Спасибо, но, мне кажется, все таки стоит учитывать тематику форума: Рынок и Программинг.
Иначе смысл теряется, ведь сайтов с байками и так полно. Нужно фильтровать.
It's enough to have a good scroll through all the pages of this forum thread to understand that from the very first page people put here all kinds of humour - both the ones about forex and the ones that don't touch it in any way. So what's my fault? Do you want me to delete the stories?
Спасибо, но, мне кажется, все таки стоит учитывать тематику форума: Рынок и Программинг.
Иначе смысл теряется, ведь сайтов с байками и так полно. Нужно фильтровать.
filtered out...
It's enough to have a good flick through all the pages of this forum thread to understand that from the very first page people bring in all kinds of humour, both forex related and not at all related. So what's my fault? Do you want me to delete the stories?
No need to remove it should be finished before publication so that the "masses" have understood 1 sentence, and if you do not understand 1 sentence, then do not,
.... everything else is no longer necessary...